A hero's best archenemies are a study in opposites. That's why Clark fights *Brainiac*.

[odditycollector]

I've been watching Smallville on and off the last couple weeks. And by "on and off" I mean in bits of five minutes.

*on!* WTF??!
*off!* ...but maybe it will recover?
*on!* o.O

See, the thing I was having trouble wrapping my brain around was the sheer magnitude of the dumbness that belongs to Clark Kent. OMG, he is SO DUMB, I HAD FORGOTTEN.

Here is a scene you may recognize if you've seen three minutes of Smallville ever:

There's somebody in the scene with Clark, probably Chloe or Lois or Lex or Kara. Or maybe Jimmy Olsen. Or a random guest star, I don't think it matters is my point.
*Something Not Very Subtle happens*
Somebody: OMG! Do you KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS??
Clark: Um?
Somebody: *explains, trailing off to dot dot dot at the ominous part*
Clark: *stares in blank confusion*
Somebody: .... *fills in the dot dot dot, using little words*
Clark: *stares in blank confusion*

The first couple times it played out I was staring at the screen in horror. What was I supposed to get from this exchange, that Clark had been hit on the head too many times by the bad guy of the week? That the show had an extra five minutes to fill up? That they are paying subtle homage to certain brilliant children's cartoons?

"Blueprints for Lex Luthor's Earth-destroying robots! Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Clark?"
"I think so, Chloe! But... I always *can* tell that they've secretly replaced the fine coffee I usually drink with Folgers Crystals!"

But then I realized that the problem was just that I was working from the wrong mental model. I'd tuned in expecting some sort of superhero drama, when really I was watching a comedy. It's a parody about these characters who've been sucked into the orbit of Our Hero Who Has An Important Destiny Trust Us... only Our Hero has the brains of a guinea pig and the characters spend most of their time making sure he doesn't walk around with his underwear on the outside of his pants or something.

Clark is like Buffy, but a really really stupid Buffy who can't tell which is the pointy end of the stick and is afraid of the dark and sometimes attacks the elementary school's softball umpire because it is hard to understand Giles through the funny accent. He *tries*, okay? And it's not like there's another Chosen One stepping up, you know? Not one with their own show, anyway.

This week, and I'm sorry if this is a spoiler, but this week Clark has Chloe taken away for a few minutes and he has to think about Something Not Very Subtle that happens *all by himself*. He tries *so hard*, you guys. It's hilarious. He can't quite manage to do it in his head, so he ends up talking aloud like a five year old who isn't weened from counting on his fingers. People are nervous about the huge, confused-looking guy who is muttering nonsense to himself, but they just do not appreciate what a huge step he is taking here!

That's okay, Clark, I do. Congratulations. Or, no, I'm sorry, that's a big one. *Yay*, Clark.

Yay for *you*.
 

Comments

[layangabi.livejournal.com]

Smallvilleverse drives me batshit. 8}

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

It was easier once I gave up on it making sense! Or Clark having any of same!

[sinanju.livejournal.com]

...yeah.

I pretty much watch it for Chloe/Allison Mack anymore. If the rumors of her not returning for S8 pan out, I am so out of there!

Last night's episode was painfully awful. Is Lex 35? Since when? And does Clark have to be beaten quite so hard and so often with the cluebat? (Apparently yes, he does.)

They're trying really, really hard to sell Lois as Clark's destiny. I have nothing against Erica Durance (and I'll admit she's really nice to look at, though I'd take Allison over her any day of the week), but...I'm just not feeling the love. They've putzed around for seasons with the character; I'm never gonna buy her as a smart, driven reporter. That's CHLOE's schtick and has been since day one (literally--in the pilot episode). Lois is goofy.

And Clark was exceptionally dense this week. He's never been the sharpest crayon in the box, but he seems to get dumber every week. But then, if he had half the smarts he oughta have, none of the plots would last ten minutes. He's more like Bizarro without the speech impediment.

"Me am confused! Me love Chloe and Lois even if me just met them. Me not trust Lex! Jimmy must trust me--or I push Jimmy through wall!"

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I think he'd be late 20s/early 30s by now? I'm not sure how old he was supposed to be when the show started. Is there a law about being 35?

And does Clark have to be beaten quite so hard and so often with the cluebat? (Apparently yes, he does.)
HE REALLY DOES. If Chloe DOES leave... well, it is good thing he will probably survive forgetting to feed himself or to RUN OUT OF THE WAY OF BULLETS MAYBE.

They're trying really, really hard to sell Lois as Clark's destiny.
I think it's like Lex being evil and Clark wearing the pantyhose - some things they are pretty much *obliged* to circle around to, especially now that the show is (probably?) nearing its close.

And Jimmy didn't have much choice but to mollify the violent muttering stalker guy, really.

[sinanju.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's a Constitutional requirement--you have to be 35 or older to be eligible to be elected President. So, unless Milton Fine got that overturned...not gonna happen. Of course, if Milton Fine is such a...BRAINIAC (Ha! I slay myself!), why can't he hack into the military network and fake the launch codes? Or heck, just grab the President (whoever he is) and MAKE him launch the missiles?

Oh, wait, then this whole elaborate scheme would be pointless...

Run out of the way of bullets? Are you mad!? They can't move with superhuman speed...oh, wait, they can. Yeah. Okay, I'm willing to buy Clark getting shot--he wouldn't have expected the first one to hurt them, then he was slowed by the Kryptonite. But Kara? Lex never should have had a chance.

Fortunately for Lex, Kara is written by the same dullards who write Clark....

Oh, I understand WHY they're pushing Lois & Clark. I just don't buy it. They've played Lois as goofy and simply not smart or driven enough to be a world-class reporter. That ship has sailed; no retcon will convince me now. Besides, Chloe is the real thing. Mmmmmm. Chloe....

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I am choosing to believe that this is not an *actual* AU, this is just what the Jor-El hologram thought would convince Clark to... I actually don't want to even think about the logistics of what happened at the end there honestly. There was a bit of worry touch and go that the situation was *too subtle* for him, but it threw in a couple buzz words like "nuclear" and, uh, "enemy" and Clark was able to see through the cunning plan and learn a valuable lesson about his importance to the world!

*I* am still not sure about what they were trying to accomplish in the long run other then Evil! Badness! but have handwaved the whole scenario as not *for* me (http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/3/24/).

[houndartemis.livejournal.com]

He should get himself a sticker. XD A big bright shiny sticker that, if you scratch it, will smell mostly like plastic... but with a vague hint of banana. He's earned it.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Hee! Finally revealed: where the yellow in Clark's wardrobe comes from!

(Luckily for everyone, Chloe stole the sticker from his uniform before the news could christen him "Bananaman" instead. Which, by the way, is a way more fun word to say than almost anything!)

[houndartemis.livejournal.com]

People everywhere had wondered and waited for an answer, haha.

(Dude, I know! Banananman. Bananaman. BANANAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAN~ 8D )

[brownbetty]

It's a parody about these characters who've been sucked into the orbit of Our Hero Who Has An Important Destiny Trust Us… only Our Hero has the brains of a guinea pig and the characters spend most of their time making sure he doesn't walk around with his underwear on the outside of his pants or something.

Eventually, they give up on this, and this is how Superman is born.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I think "underwear" is just a concept that Kryptonians find non-intuitive. I mean, have you seen the latest Supergirl action figure prototype?

[brownbetty]

Link me. I'm a masochist.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

*looks and looks*

Here! (http://occasionalsuperheroine.blogspot.com/2008/04/nycc-08-action-figure-preview-part-4-dc.html)

[brownbetty]

Wow, her smooth plastic attributes are kind of skaery.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

You can see why they do not understand what the big deal is anyway.

[ash-in-your-eye.livejournal.com]

Can Bizarro's bling be explained to me? please?

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Well, it is how you know he is Bizarro No. 1 (http://www.wallpapergate.com/data/media/2417/Superman__Bizarro.jpg), not any of those *other* Bizarros.

[ash-in-your-eye.livejournal.com]

Thank you. All is clear now.

Though I must admit that for just a second I wondered if I had missed some strange Elseworld Pimpdaddy!Superman arc.

[poisonivory.livejournal.com]

"I have *wear*. Why do I need *under*wear?"

This is probably why Krypton blew up.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Paris Hilton, harbinger of the apocolapse?

Oh, like *that's* news. ;)

[michellebacon.livejournal.com]

I came to the conclusion somewhere in Season 2/3, when I stopped even trying to watch the show anymore, that I could like Clark if he would just never OPEN HIS MOUTH. Not even Tom Welling's prettiness can make up for Clark's dumbness. Over the years, the characters around him seem to have gotten smarter (some more than others), and he's stayed just as dumb as he was in the first season. What was cute in a young teenager is just embarassing now.

But then, if he had half the smarts he oughta have, none of the plots would last ten minutes. He's more like Bizarro without the speech impediment.

Isn't it telling that Smallville's Bizarro was smarter than the regular variant?

I miss Dean Cain's smart and funny Clark so bad.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I dunno, though. This Clark is *hilarious.

[awehla.livejournal.com]

Yeah Dean Cain's Clark Kent was smart. I was hoping by now SV's Clark would be a bit smarter. He doesn't even read books really fast. Superman in Lois & Clark built a time machine for crying out loud.

Lisa
x

[nevragain.livejournal.com]

LOL. That was genuinely funny. I actually laughed aloud quite a few times.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Thanks

[adja999.livejournal.com]

I kinda agree with you. I think it's teh Lana disease spreading out. He began the dumb staring thing because of her, and now his brain his fired. Hey, maybe there's some Kryptonite to fix this?
Anyway, the worst thing is... the flaw is contagious! Ok, Jimmy Olsen is *supposed* to be the clueless dumb guy, but.... did he have to pull Lois down with him??
Anyway... your post made me laugh... i just wanted to tell you that.
And when do they kill Lana, dammit!?

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Well, Lana hasn't been around much since I've tuned in! And I do not miss her *at all*.

[herohunter.livejournal.com]

This week, and I'm sorry if this is a spoiler, but this week Clark has Chloe taken away for a few minutes and he has to think about Something Not Very Subtle that happens *all by himself*. He tries *so hard*, you guys. It's hilarious. He can't quite manage to do it in his head, so he ends up talking aloud like a five year old who isn't weened from counting on his fingers

I think that's why I found the eppy so slow; it took Clark *FOREVER* to reach a conclusion by himself, God! Well, that, and it was a stupid premise to begin with, lol!

(found you via the ledger, sorry for the intrusion!)

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Oh man, you are not even kidding. I feel kind of sorry for imaginaryAU!Clark Kent, for being forced to witness that brilliant display.

(np, I was curious where everyone was coming from!)