These are the final questions from the last silly question meme. I take it for granted you've read part one; it will probably be even more cracky otherwise.

Once more, our silly answer stars:

1. Kara Zor-El
2. The Old Spice Man
3. Agatha Heterodyne
4. Burton Guster
5. The Doctor
6. Rose Lalonde
7. Cristina Yang
8. Veronica Palmer
9. a spankbot
10. Amanda Waller
11. Karkat Vantas
12. John Egbert
13. Brainiac 5
14. Cassandra Cain
15. Aziraphale

([personal profile] foolsguinea) Are The Old Spice Man and Rose Lalonde still mad at Aziraphale about that... one time?

Aziraphale, you smell like someone's grandmother, and not like Old Spice. You smell so much like someone's grandmother, you smell like *Rose*'s grandmother and she doesn't even have one! I bet your distinguished opposition has already sided with the Old Spice Man in his endeavours.

 
And why does Aziraphale associate bicycles with Amanda Waller?

He overheard Capt. Boomerang's nonsense insults, I guess? And confusedly pondered them until they stuck in his brain. Srsly. "Bloody bike." Is that a thing people say? I doubt it.

 
If you asked Kara Zor-El to choose among a spankbot, Gus, & John Egbert for the old, "fuck, marry, kill," choice, what would Kara say, & what part of this would most offend Brainiac 5?

Kill: Sorry, spankbot, but if someone in a superhero story is gonna get exploded, you know it's gonna be the robot.

Fuck: Hello there, not-Charlie! You are looking dapper today in your lovely purple button-up shirt. Alas, aside from being a bit too much older than Kara not to be creepy as husband material, Gus is just way too flabbergasted that he made it with Supergirl. "Wow, you're Supergirl, and I'm kissing you! I'm kissing Supergirl! Supergirl's kiss-- mnphhh mnnn -- I kissed Supergirl! Wow, Supergirl's carefully unbuttoning a button on my lovely purple button-up shirt!" And then later Superman glares at him. It is terrifying. And awesome. Never mind Kara not sticking around, he will not shut up about it so much *Shawn* almost breaks up with him.

Marry: John can be rather silly sometimes, but he's loyal and good company and would be totally fine with the wackiness involved in the superhero life. Plus, the age difference wouldn't be eyebrow-raising at all if they put it off until they've aged up a bit, and the fact that Kara's an alien isn't even an issue. Poor guy went right from "never actually thought about kissing before" to "sorry kid you accidentally fell into an alien rom-com which bug person do you want to make out with it is okay if you pick more than one." (I would feel sorry for him, but it's hard to feel sorry for John, he is to angst what Teflon is to baked cheese.)

Brainiac 5 is offended because:

I am kinda amused with the last bit of this question, because it touches on one of the fundamental conflicts I like to imagine in the Kara/Brainy relationship. Which is that Kara is naturally poly, and Brainiac 5 is not. And they never actually sit down and discuss this, because what is there even to discuss? Some sort of polygamy is the norm in both Kryptonian and Coluan society (disclaimer: that is entirely brain fanon), and so if Brainiac 5 is monogamous he's the weird one out yet again. It wouldn't be fair to ask her not to see other people - fairness aside, it would be a really *odd* request - and anyway, probably a deal breaker for their relationship.

So she can tell he's unhappy about her impending marriage to John, and she's like, "Ok, why?" and he is kind of waffly. Sure she's dated other people, but now she's making this commitment to John, and not to him, and it makes it hard to pretend that he has her all to himself, even in the moments he does. But man it would be awkward to say any of that. And she is like, "What, did *you* want to join the House of El?" and he says, "No". So she is like "Then... did you want *me* to align myself with *your* family line"? and he is like "No, of course not, that's idiotic." "Is it about John? Because I know you like John. You're always hanging out with him in hedge mazes and stuff." Kara doesn't (entirely - she's guilty of avoiding this conversation too) grok his problem, but that is fair because he isn't explaining himself at all.

In conclusion: cross cultural relationships are confusing to navigate! It doesn't matter how many brain levels you've obtained. And communication will solve more problems than it causes, honest.

 
([personal profile] philippos42) Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde, The Doctor, & Agatha Heterodyne are stranded on a deserted island. What wackiness ensues? Does anyone get laid? Does anyone get turned into bait?

...This seems 100% plausible, if by "deserted island" you mean "lifeless asteroid at the edge of the multiverse". I think this is part 2 of the question where Agatha broke the TARDIS, flinging her and this meme's everpresent BUDDY COP DUO into the wilds of time and space. [personal profile] nextian was right after all, the *Doctor* is Lord English! And he's even brought with him a terrible, mythical demon with awful feathery wings to usher in the End!

The End of the Homestuck game, anyway, which must go against *so many* of the anti-paradox, timey wimey laws the Doctor and Aziraphale are out to enforce (or something). It's an endeavour everyone here can support!

This all totally works within established meme continuity but I will not bore you with how. You're welcome.

(Either that, or it's part 2 of the question where Karkat, Rose and Agatha try to take down our reigning Queen. Apparently they fail utterly, and are exiled to a deserted island as punishment. The Doctor got involved somewhere along the way because getting involved in stories about plots against the British Monarchy is basically how you tell it is the Doctor. He makes many comments along the lines of how Sarah Jane Smith should be the one having his adventure, she is more accustomed to babysitting.

(First priority on landing is finding shelter for Karkat, because bad things happen to Trolls left out in direct sunlight. Assuming they were dumped on the archetypal deserted island, which is very small and boasts nothing but sand and a single coconut palm, this shelter is likely a tiny tent made from the Doctor's coat and Rose and Agatha's skirts. ...Karkat probably wishes someone else was writing this meme. I have not been generous to him when assigning dignified scenarios.

(Everyone's weapons and tools were confiscated before exile, or else Rose would be hovering them all back to the mainland before the British navy ships are out of sight. But the Doctor and Agatha soon set to building a machine to vibrate and amplify the island's sand particles at a frequency to call back the TARDIS. Using, um. A coconut. Buttons and zippers. Shoes. Glasses. Elastics from... okay, since our young ladies have already sacrificed their skirts for the team, I'm going with "socks".

(I. I don't know why there is so much nudity in the everyone vs. Queen Elizabeth II scenarios. I'm sorry.)

 
Actually, Cristina Yang has a speedboat, & knows where they are, but isn't offering aid. Why not?

Yeah, like the speedboat she is currently outracing James Bond with is going to take a right turn to the bordering edge of the multiverse. Right. Although it WOULD BE NICE if the team member in charge of weaponry isn't prone to vanishing whenever a time-and-relative-dimension-in spaceship presents itself for the screwing with. There is a serious spy race going down here, and Cristina doesn't trust any of these ivory on brass buttons not to blow her *own* boat up, for reasons that were totally interesting to Agatha when she installed them.

And now Bond is shooting smoke bomb harpoons at her. Perfect. Maybe she should let one of them snag her boat, and then Cass can run over the line and win the day with ninja skills. Basically, Agatha or no, there is still no way some British Intelligence Agent will prevent them from reaching land with their rescued and/or kidnapped person.

(In scenario 2, it is simply that Cristina is a little bit busy here. As you can see. And Agatha can take care of herself.)

 
Which of the other fourteen would Veronica Palmer's parents most approve of Veronica Palmer having a romantic involvement with? How much does this contrast with Veronica Palmer's own desires (which do not, not, not have to involve any other character from the list).

Having met Veronica's father, I just can't see this being a thing he cares at all about. So after careful consideration of her options, and after reluctantly removing "Veronica Palmer" from among them, I'm going to go with the Old Spice Man.

What happens is Veridian Dynamics buys the Old Spice brand from Procter & Gamble, and they give a media conference involving the Old Spice Man. At one point, Veronica is spewing some managerial speak at the reporters, but they are ignoring her in favour of watching him flex his shiny muscles. So, to get the attention back where it belongs (on Veronica) she announces that she and the Old Spice Man are in a committed romantic relationship!

And the Old Spice Man thinks he's in a committed romantic relationship with ALL the ladies, so he's not about to argue. Veridian Dynamics stock jumps in happy celebration! Hate grows in the hearts of a million envious women, but they'd have hated Veronica if they knew her anyway.

Over at his own company, Veronica's father is metaphorically shaking his fist at this bit of inspired PR from his competition. Why didn't he come up with it first!? Later she will send him a framed photograph of them standing together (it was taken at the conference, but Veronica gets a scenic mountain Photoshopped in as a backdrop) to share the joy AKA gloat.

Look. Their relationship works for them, okay?

 
Who's crazy enough to fix up Cass and Kara?

Um. *raises hand*

Come on, no one here is surprised. Kara has this sexy exotic (body language) accent thing going for her, and Cass is an island of quiet *intentness* is a world that is nothing but noise and random happenings. Together they, okay, fight crime, and what a great contrast they make. Then they hang out and trade stories mocking the nonsensical (mostly Western) social norms they are expected to just *know*. They bitch about family; Kara is both impressed and a bit boggled that Cass managed to walk away (twice), proving that even if they are both alien to American society, it doesn't mean they are any less alien to each other.

They're both looking for something. I don't think they finally find it in one another, but that's a coming of age moral of its own.

 
And THAT is the end! Total word count on this thing is over 8000, what the heck.
petra: Barbara Gordon smiling knowingly (Default)

From: [personal profile] petra


Kara/Cass 4EVAH. Even if Brainiac finds her poly tendencies weird. ;)
foolsguinea: (zayra)

From: [personal profile] foolsguinea


Oh, c'mon, how lucky are you that Kara was put with Brainy?

OK, should happen some statistically, but it still seems very neat how this one worked out.

Also, I share your puzzlement at Boomerbutt's use of the word "bike."

From: [identity profile] lastscorpion.insanejournal.com


Brilliant!

(I. I don't know why there is so much nudity in the everyone vs. Queen Elizabeth II scenarios. I'm sorry.)

Well, you know, whatever works. Besides, Agatha (at least) always ends up in her underwear anyway!

From: [identity profile] odditycollector.insanejournal.com


Thanks!

Besides, Agatha (at least) always ends up in her underwear anyway!
True! ...So I guess we know who gets assigned fanservice duties in the Agatha/Cristina/Cass team up series.
.

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