I mostly avoid Wizard Comics Magazine, that classy publication known for such hard hitting journalism as "Match the Butt to the Bitch!" and "A tribute to Frank Cho's neighbour, now dead:
He died with The Mighty Avengers still unread.
He'll never now get to see Cho's latest tits,
and we hope that we'll never smell *his* rotted bits!
"

However, I was told that there was a mention of DC's new Big Barda Bust in the latest issue of Wizard. Since I posted a while ago about how utterly disgusting that statue is, I felt I should see what they said. Out of duty. And, okay, a fair chunk of train wreck syndrome. I could just *imagine* what they'd think of it.

As it turns out, no. I couldn't.

One thing I will say about Wizard - they never, ever fail to surprise me at just how low they'll go.

I've included the page below the cut. The whole thing is appalling, although Barda, I think, gets the worst of it. The other women are drooled over as "static" and "sexy". As well as that, Barda is directly insulted.

…our more rigid lady friends; that's rigid as in hard -- not uptight. )

 
If you'd rather not look at the image, I can't say I blame you. Here's what you're missing:

They introduce the character as a "buxom broad." But it's okay! BIG Barda is "way hotter than her name makes her sound." She's no *fat* broad, fanboy! HO HO HO!

 
I suppose I should here include a rant on how the world would be improved if Wizard Entertainment was struck from it by rogue meteorite. But I think we can just take that for granted. Frankly, the staff at Wizard aren't the only examples of human slime with access to printing presses, and I'd have little trouble simply ignoring the whole production as akin to a group of thirteen year old boys circle jerking around an older brother's Wonder Woman figure and posting the pictures online.

Except for one question.

 
Why are you okay with this, DC Comics? And Marvel. And Dark Horse. And every other comics publisher who actively cooperates with Wizard.

Why do you continue to associate with this publication? Why do you still grant them interviews and exclusive news?

They obviously have no respect for your characters, no respect for your audience, no respect for women, and no sense of basic human propriety. They are vulgar and offensive, and in playing along, you are equally vulgar and offensive.

When Wizard poked crass fun at a dead man in Marvel's name, why the hell didn't Marvel respond with: "Apologize, in print, and grow the fuck up. And maybe, MAYBE, we'll start returning your calls again." Instead, I'm left with the impression that the folks in the comics industry are laughing right along. AHAHA! If the book stinks, it's 'cause we accidentally got DEAD GUY IN! Brilliant!

If the female audience is important to you, DC, as you claim, why do you filter your news through a magazine with such vile, misogynic attitudes? If the male audience is important to you, why aren't you bothered that Wizard treats them as socially inept, barely literate pedophiles?

 
Wizard is far more puerile than most porn magazines, and Wizard is the public face of the comics industry. And the reason it is the public face of the comic industry is that the publishers of comics encourage and support it.

And as long as that's the case, I call bullshit on anyone claiming that it's the stories, or the characters, or the readers that matter.
 
I usually enjoy Solicit Mondays quite a lot. It's all about making your own fun before context has a chance of ruining everything. Today, however... there was not much even worthy of mocking.

But that doesn't mean there's nothing to say.

How about a new game? I'll pick an emotion, and then we'll see if anything can turn my face into the appropriate emoicon smilie.

 
:) Happy

DC is continuing to get people other than Churchill or Turner to draw the Supergirl covers, and this pleases me. I'd be willing to buy that book. Now, all they have to do is to get someone else to draw the *interiors* as well.

:| Annoyed

It turns out that Miss Martian really *did* steal Supergirl's skirt. Complete with the no-underwear.

;7 Mildly Amused

There's no Superman/Batman issue solicited for Valentine's Day, or, indeed, the month of February. That doesn't seem right.
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>:O Angry

If you make it all the way to the bottom of the page, you'll notice that there's a bust of Big Barda coming out next year. Which really should have been good news, as Barda is very much a Thing Which Is Awesome.

If you're going to brainstorm about Barda, the first thing that comes to mind is, yes, *Big*. Immense, in the way that only creations of Jack Kirby can be. She's huge physically and in personality. I've heard 'Amazonian,' and while this isn't really correct, she's a counterpoint to Wonder Woman in a lot of ways. Both are powerful warriors trained by alien cultures, but while Diana grew up in a world that valued peace, Barda was trained to bring only destruction. Diana came to our world to further the values of her people; Barda left behind her people to fight for what *she* thinks is right.

Her story is woven as part of an epic, but Barda's journey - from a servant of Darkseid to a superhero - is her own. And it's just as encompassing and *Big* as everything else about her.

And here's the statue DC chose to represent all that.

There are so, so many things that are wrong about this that I hardly know where to start. How about the obvious, then.

Why the FUCK is she nearly naked?

This is a cover image of Barda, taken from the same solicits, that doesn't quite give us the Platonic ideal of the character but comes close enough. Barda should be in full body armour - chain mail, with bright, primary accents to remind us she's Kirby's baby - and most likely hefting a weapon none of us would be able to lift.

Yes, the bikini is canon. No, that doesn't matter at all. When there are a few statues out there of Barda in the best known, classic, current costume, *then* we can talk about the almost-naked variants. I mean, how many lovingly crafted statues are there of Clark Kent in his swimming briefs?

What the FUCK is with the anatomy?

The upper arms aren't too bad, although the forearm looks more injured than muscled, but for the rest of her Adam Hughes seems to have been feeding the designs through a kids' mix 'n match book. Barda should be grateful she didn't end up with the bottom half of a fifty year old fireman and a policeman's head.

Except not, because then at least she wouldn't be about to topple over. Where are her hips? Her abs? Her legs? She looks ridiculous.

Her left wrist is at a completely wrong angle given the positioning of the rest of the arm. It looks unnatural and painful. (Although, after some twisting, I've determined you can to pose an arm like that, if you don't mind discomfort after the first few seconds. Which makes the next WRONG even more so.)

Where the FUCKING FUCK is the attitude? The sense of strength? The ferocity?

And even if the statue had been a nude sculpted by a five year old in playdoh, *this* is the one I'm unwilling to dismiss, unwilling to forgive.

Her stance is off balance, and her shoulders aren't squared. The (weirdly) muscled arms buy her some power, but, combined with the way she's holding herself, mostly they just emphasize that she's not about to use it. (Look boys! It's okay to buy me! You're in control!)

Then. Her head is angled downward. Her gaze is down and unfocussed, staring into no-space. Her expression is blank, only vaguely aware. There's no playful flirtiness to be found here, no sense that whatever is going on, she's at least having fun. No agency at all.

This is *submission*, people.

This is "Take the cloak. Take me. I am here to be used as you please." That's not even her cape draped over her arm: it belongs to her husband. So she's, what? Mr. Miracle's sexy coat-rack?

 
In 1971, Big Barda was introduced as a powerful warrior, the leader of the Female Furies, someone proud and strong and brave enough to stand against Darkseid.

In 2006, she's finally come to the point where you, too, will be able to buy your own Barda: Well-Trained Submissive (with random muscles, for extra fetish value!), commemorated for all time in statue form.

 
Yeah.

Fuck you, too, DC.*

 
 

*Unless DC really is making sculptures to commemorate what their characters get up to behind bedroom doors. In which case I can hardly wait for Likes-Giving-Oral Green Arrow and Ride-em-Cowgirl Helena.
Well, I declare the "history of the DCU" back-up in 52 to be officially useless.

I never managed to read through Zero Hour due to the "Ow! God, My Eyes, It Burns!" factor, but I've read *around* it. I've also read fic, and meta, and made my own GL jokes in poor taste. Hell, it took over a stanza and a half of the DCU Tinies, back when I was feeling creative.

In summary, yeah, I am so not the clueless newbie who *needs* a brief history of the DC universe.* And yet, I still managed to come away from the Zero Hour summary thinking:

Wait. Did they just retcon Barbara Gordon's injury into being Hal Jordan's fault?

Isn't that really, really needlessly random and silly and dumb on many other levels besides?


Since no one else was calling shenanigans, I asked Google what was going on. Google told me there had been an AU Batgirl hanging around for that event, because, I assume, getting her shot just the once was not enough fun. (Yes, I'm cranky. Reading comics that are bad do that to me.) The punchline is, I even was vaguely *aware* of this.

If I had been given *anything* resembling context, I probably could have figured it out. Really. Here is all relevant info given...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
(Image split because I didn't want to lj-cut.)

Whoever these "histories" are aimed at, it isn't reasonably rabid fans missing an issue here or there.

I'm not sure why I'm so annoyed. Probably leftover annoyance from when I thought Babs had a new backstory mixed with annoyance from *reading* the 52 backup (the words, they *burns* us, precious).

And I still have no idea what the backup is meant to accomplish, unless the answer is, "Make as many people run screaming from the store as possible; send recorded video to America's funniest. Use winnings to buy a pony."
 

*A brief history of Hawkman canon, okay, I will accept, if only because I don't believe a *brief* (and coherent) history is actually possible.
Tags:
 
There is now a proper counterpart to Miller's Wonder Woman cover, as provided by the talented [livejournal.com profile] vejiita4eva.

So, uh. What if Miller had set All Star Batman #5 in a male strip club?
I really should know better, but I clicked on a link to the DC message boards, topic of the new Frank Miller cover.

In summary... this is why I’m going to stay way the hell over here okay thanks. However, one exchange did catch my attention and would not let me shake it as it might have a sane person.

[livejournal.com profile] maelithil:
Depicting [women] as an ass, a pair of tits, some gorgeous thighs is doing them a disservice. Distilling them into nothing but their sexual attributes is objectifying. And that's exactly what this cover does.


Random Fanboy:
And notice that Superman's chest is OFTEN a whole panel unto itself. Not Superman fighting the bad guy. Not Superman standing full figure. Superman's chest. Just his chest. His huge, massive, S-draped, extraterrestrially muscular chest. Is Superman being objectified? Is he being used? Should I cry for Superman?


And. Just. What? This is the counterexample?

But! Maybe it’s not that his logic is just that scary. Maybe it's hard to understand what she’s talking about because it really, honestly is that there’s no comparable example featuring a male denizen of the DCU. I mean, even the occasional Nightwing crotch shot *tries* to have context.

Obviously, something had to be done. For The Good Of Fandom.

Luckily, much like Miller, I have no shame.

 
Totally Appropriate Covers (with bonus, never before seen script excerpts)! )
odditycollector: Connor Hawke has met the singing frog from Looney Tunes; it will not perform for Wally. This is published comics, guys. (DCU)
( Apr. 8th, 2006 10:09 pm)
Aka, why Karen has, Really, a Hard Time Taking the DCU Seriously.

Part of the blame for this should go to [livejournal.com profile] caia_comica, who was all, "Post it!" and "No really! Post it!" and "You know what? You should post it!" and "Post!" and also helped me find someone for 'F.' Another part goes to Edward Gorey, who wrote the The Gashlycrumb Tinies first.

 

A is for Al who died of old age,
B is for Barry who ran off the page.

C is for Clark who met his doomsday,
D for Diana turned back into clay.

E is for Eobard who died in his past,
F is for Ferrin whose suit didn’t last.

G is for Guardians, all perished but one,
H is for Hal who flew into the sun.

I is for Indigo programmed subpar,
J is for Jason felled by a crowbar.

K is for Kiliwog killed by a student,
L is for Linda whose death was thought prudent.

M is for Max, neck snapped for his trouble,
N is for Nura now crushed under rubble.

O is for Ollie who died in a plane,
P is for Pamela; we’ll see her again.

Q is for Quarzz who gave all he was able,
R is for Roy, heart stopped on the table.

S is for Sue with villains on the brain,
T is for Ted with a hole in the same.

U is for Unity who claimed her birthright,
V is for Vesper shot dead in the night.

W is for Wesley who fell a long way,
X is for Xax hit with a yellow ray.

Y is for Yoska in explosion buried,
Z is for Zod with deaths many and varied!

 
 
When the latest version of Supergirl debuted, a good deal of fandom recoiled in horror. What could they possibly have been basing their character designs off of? it was asked. She doesn't even look *human.* And who would wear stuff like that, anyway?

And, well. I'm not saying I *dis*agree. )

To think I was worried about finding reasons to use the new icon.website statistics
.

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odditycollector: Supergirl hovering in black silhouette except for the red crest. Cape fluttering. Background is a roiling, raining sky. (Default)
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