The sort of idea that seems brilliant at 5 am

[odditycollector]

Because foreverdirt is unhappy but easily amused.


 

I be Sam

Sam I be

That Sam-I-be!
That Sam-I-be!
I do not like
that Sam-I-be!

Do you want to have sex with me?

I do not like you, Sam-I-be,
the biggest ho I'll ever see.

Would you do me here or there?

I would not do you here or there.
I would not do you anywhere.
You will not have sex with me.
I do not like you, Sam-I-be.

Would you have sex in a house?
Would you have sex with a mouse?

I will not have sex in a house.
I will not have sex with a mouse.
I will not do you here or there.
We will not do it anywhere.
You will not have sex with me.
I do not like you, Sam-I-be.

Would you fuck me in a box?
Would you fuck me with a fox?

Not in a box.
Not with a fox.
Not in a house.
Not with a mouse.
I would not do you here or there.
I would not do you anywhere.
I will not have sex with you.
I do not like you, Sam. It's true.

Would you? Could you?
In a tram?
Take me! Take me!
Here I am!

I would not, could not, in a tram.

You may like it.
You will see.
We could have sex in a tree!

I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a tram! You let me be.
I do not want to in a box.
I do not want to with a fox.
I do not want to in a house.
I do not want to with a mouse.
It will not happen here or there.
It will not happen anywhere.
You do not do a thing for me.
I will not fuck you, Sam-I-be.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you, on a train?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a tram! Sam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not do you with a mouse.
I will not do you in a house.
I will not do you here or there.
I will not do you anywhere.
You will not have sex with me.
I do not like you, Sam-I-be.

Say!
In the dark? Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not, in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train.
Not in a tram. Not in a tree.
I do not like you, Sam, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a box.
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.
I will not fuck you here or there.
I will not fuck you anywhere!

You do not want to do the deed?

I do not want to, Sam-I-be.

Could you, would you, with a goat?

I would not, could not, with a goat!

Would you, could you, on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I do not want to in the rain.
I do not want to on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a tram! You let me be!
I do not want to in a box.
I do not want to with a fox.
I will not fuck you in a house.
I will not fuck you with a mouse.
I will not do it here or there.
I'll never fuck you ANYWHERE!
You will never sleep with me.
I do not like you, Sam-I-be.

You do not want to.
So you say.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try it and you may, I say.

Sam!
If you will let me be, I will fuck you.
You will see.

...

Say!
I like having sex with you!
I do! I like it, Sam! It's true!
And I would do it in a boat.
And I would do it with a goat...
And give you blowjobs in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a tram. And in a tree.
It is so very fun, you see!
So I will do it in a box.
And I will do it with a fox.
And I will do it in a house.
And I will do it with a mouse.
And I will do you here and there.
Say! I will fuck you ANYWHERE!

You are so great at the wham-bam!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Thank you, Sam!

Comments

[foreverdirt.livejournal.com]

*tears of laughter* My delight for this overfloweth.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

*weeps* It's a thing of beauty! And wonder. ♥

[randomblade.livejournal.com]

I'm so freaking tempted to illustrate this...

[akisawana.livejournal.com]

::applauds::

[fieryredqueen.livejournal.com]

it is 2:38 pm and this still seems brilliant.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Ehee! If you did, it think that would *officially* be the Best Thing Ever! :D

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Then my work here is done!

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Hee! I don't know if I want to inquire in to *what* it makes you wonder...

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

*bows*

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

*g* Thanks, that's something of a relief ;)

[cheshireempress.livejournal.com]

*standing ovation*



.....Now I'll never be able to keep a straight face reading "Virent Ova, Viret Perna" to my Latin 2 classes. there goes that lesson plan.


(It was totally worth it, though.)

[caia-comica.livejournal.com]

You are AWESOME. In a rather scary way.

[randomblade.livejournal.com]

My thesis is due in four weeks. I would be *officially* the stupidest person in the world to take on so tempting a procrastination project right now. i have just enough willpower to resist.

On the other hand, Drop me a reminder after the 4th oct, and I shall do it.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Hee! I'm almost sorry. (Almost.) That sounds like it would have cool.

On the other hand, you could have a *new* lesson plan. What *is* Latin for "Will you fuck me with a goat"?

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

And to that: Yay!

Yay, I say!

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I may take you up on that. Good luck on the thesis!

[feelingcold.livejournal.com]

i am going to print it, and hand it out the next time some random SOB yells his sexual requests to me.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Heh. Although in that case you might want to change the ending a little...

Oh surprise!
You moved so quick!
Grabbed your knife and
sliced off my dick!