odditycollector (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
odditycollector) wrote2008-05-02 12:28 am
odditycollector) wrote2008-05-02 12:28 am
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A hero's best archenemies are a study in opposites. That's why Clark fights *Brainiac*.
I've been watching Smallville on and off the last couple weeks. And by "on and off" I mean in bits of five minutes.
*on!* WTF??!
*off!* ...but maybe it will recover?
*on!* o.O
See, the thing I was having trouble wrapping my brain around was the sheer magnitude of the dumbness that belongs to Clark Kent. OMG, he is SO DUMB, I HAD FORGOTTEN.
Here is a scene you may recognize if you've seen three minutes of Smallville ever:
There's somebody in the scene with Clark, probably Chloe or Lois or Lex or Kara. Or maybe Jimmy Olsen. Or a random guest star, I don't think it matters is my point.
*Something Not Very Subtle happens*
Somebody: OMG! Do you KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS??
Clark: Um?
Somebody: *explains, trailing off to dot dot dot at the ominous part*
Clark: *stares in blank confusion*
Somebody: .... *fills in the dot dot dot, using little words*
Clark: *stares in blank confusion*
The first couple times it played out I was staring at the screen in horror. What was I supposed to get from this exchange, that Clark had been hit on the head too many times by the bad guy of the week? That the show had an extra five minutes to fill up? That they are paying subtle homage to certain brilliant children's cartoons?
"Blueprints for Lex Luthor's Earth-destroying robots! Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Clark?"
"I think so, Chloe! But... I always *can* tell that they've secretly replaced the fine coffee I usually drink with Folgers Crystals!"
But then I realized that the problem was just that I was working from the wrong mental model. I'd tuned in expecting some sort of superhero drama, when really I was watching a comedy. It's a parody about these characters who've been sucked into the orbit of Our Hero Who Has An Important Destiny Trust Us... only Our Hero has the brains of a guinea pig and the characters spend most of their time making sure he doesn't walk around with his underwear on the outside of his pants or something.
Clark is like Buffy, but a really really stupid Buffy who can't tell which is the pointy end of the stick and is afraid of the dark and sometimes attacks the elementary school's softball umpire because it is hard to understand Giles through the funny accent. He *tries*, okay? And it's not like there's another Chosen One stepping up, you know? Not one with their own show, anyway.
This week, and I'm sorry if this is a spoiler, but this week Clark has Chloe taken away for a few minutes and he has to think about Something Not Very Subtle that happens *all by himself*. He tries *so hard*, you guys. It's hilarious. He can't quite manage to do it in his head, so he ends up talking aloud like a five year old who isn't weened from counting on his fingers. People are nervous about the huge, confused-looking guy who is muttering nonsense to himself, but they just do not appreciate what a huge step he is taking here!
That's okay, Clark, I do. Congratulations. Or, no, I'm sorry, that's a big one. *Yay*, Clark.
Yay for *you*.
*on!* WTF??!
*off!* ...but maybe it will recover?
*on!* o.O
See, the thing I was having trouble wrapping my brain around was the sheer magnitude of the dumbness that belongs to Clark Kent. OMG, he is SO DUMB, I HAD FORGOTTEN.
Here is a scene you may recognize if you've seen three minutes of Smallville ever:
There's somebody in the scene with Clark, probably Chloe or Lois or Lex or Kara. Or maybe Jimmy Olsen. Or a random guest star, I don't think it matters is my point.
*Something Not Very Subtle happens*
Somebody: OMG! Do you KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS??
Clark: Um?
Somebody: *explains, trailing off to dot dot dot at the ominous part*
Clark: *stares in blank confusion*
Somebody: .... *fills in the dot dot dot, using little words*
Clark: *stares in blank confusion*
The first couple times it played out I was staring at the screen in horror. What was I supposed to get from this exchange, that Clark had been hit on the head too many times by the bad guy of the week? That the show had an extra five minutes to fill up? That they are paying subtle homage to certain brilliant children's cartoons?
"Blueprints for Lex Luthor's Earth-destroying robots! Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Clark?"
"I think so, Chloe! But... I always *can* tell that they've secretly replaced the fine coffee I usually drink with Folgers Crystals!"
But then I realized that the problem was just that I was working from the wrong mental model. I'd tuned in expecting some sort of superhero drama, when really I was watching a comedy. It's a parody about these characters who've been sucked into the orbit of Our Hero Who Has An Important Destiny Trust Us... only Our Hero has the brains of a guinea pig and the characters spend most of their time making sure he doesn't walk around with his underwear on the outside of his pants or something.
Clark is like Buffy, but a really really stupid Buffy who can't tell which is the pointy end of the stick and is afraid of the dark and sometimes attacks the elementary school's softball umpire because it is hard to understand Giles through the funny accent. He *tries*, okay? And it's not like there's another Chosen One stepping up, you know? Not one with their own show, anyway.
This week, and I'm sorry if this is a spoiler, but this week Clark has Chloe taken away for a few minutes and he has to think about Something Not Very Subtle that happens *all by himself*. He tries *so hard*, you guys. It's hilarious. He can't quite manage to do it in his head, so he ends up talking aloud like a five year old who isn't weened from counting on his fingers. People are nervous about the huge, confused-looking guy who is muttering nonsense to himself, but they just do not appreciate what a huge step he is taking here!
That's okay, Clark, I do. Congratulations. Or, no, I'm sorry, that's a big one. *Yay*, Clark.
Yay for *you*.
no subject
I haven't watched Smallville since Episode 9 I think it was, of Season 3. It was the episode where Clark goes to try save Lex from being in an insane asylum about to have his memory wiped via shock therapy and I just couldn't the stupid anymore.
See the reason Smallville is a comedy, the likes of which I've only heard about from friends who read Terry Pratchett, is because it's not just CLARK who is wrong. It is the world.
In Clark's world an asylum for the mentally and emotionally challenged and infirm is filled with sharp edges of stainless steel. Orderlies run around with shock sticks and yet are NOT trained in self defense and there is only ever one guard and no one else in some place as dangerous as a weight room used by mentally unstable teenage males - some of whom are KNOWN to have freaky abilities.
I may have sort of watched one or two episodes after Ep8, Season 3 - because my roommate was also watching the show. But I think (yay Wikipedia) the one immediately after that was all about how a couple of yokels kidnap the son of a JUDGE, a BLACK JUDGE, in KANSAS! And said son's only hope is CLARK freaking KENT - who is currently blind.
Yes, I just broke your brain. No I'm not sorry. This is who they want me believe Superman came from. From a town of monsters and idiots and Johnathon Kent who constantly masturbates a shot-gun, and that green dust particles from a space rock made everyone dumber instead of just wiping them out quickly.
no subject
I may have sort of watched one or two episodes after Ep8, Season 3 - because my roommate was also watching the show. But I think (yay Wikipedia) the one immediately after that was all about how a couple of yokels kidnap the son of a JUDGE, a BLACK JUDGE, in KANSAS!
Oh, man, I have heard about that. (The writers/producers/sanity checkers: LESS BRAINS THAN CLARK.) ...Actually, I have heard about that *recently*. *checks* Oh, no, it was just Lex who kidnapped him this season. Okay, then. *headdesks*
It's weird, I've been steeped in comics so long that the lack of reasonable security measures did not bother me so much... until the part where we learn that Lex Luthor does not have an anti-virus program installed on his computer. He was wandering around asking random employees if they had a virus scan he could borrow.
And then I think one of them knocked him out and held him hostage for a while, but I could be confusing this with every other episode.
no subject
He doesn't have a firewall?
Dude, I think I just figured it out.
They have the wrong title.
The show should be "The Incredible Adventures of A Stupid Town In Kansas"
The Kansas Govt must love this show and how it portrays the intelligence of their small towns. [ end sarcasm ]
no subject
no subject