Does What a Spermatozoon Can

[odditycollector]

So in Reign 3, we learn that Mary Jane was killed from exposure to Spider-man's radioactive sperm. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, this is comic books. People don't die from exposure to radioactive sperm in comic books.

They get super powers!
 


Mary Jane's new power set would actually be pretty impressive:

- The ability to burrow into things that are spherical and much larger than her… like the Earth!

- Amazing swimming powers.

- A great sense of direction.

- The ability to survive days without food. (Handy talent for a model!)

- The ability to go unseen. It might take *weeks* before anyone knows she did something.

- Angsty "Oh no, I'm mutating!" storylines, in which she grows an extremely long tail.

- A theme song! (Well, she's married, so I figure she can share Peter's theme song. Sharing is what marriage is *about*, right?)

 
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Does what spermatozoa can.
Catches thieves by surprise;
She'll get right in their eyes.
Look Out!
Here comes the Sperm-woman.

Can she swim fast?
Oh, friend of mine,
She's got a radioactive behind.
Can she burrow underground?
Anywhere that's big and round.
Hey, there-
There goes the Sperm-woman.

In the chill of night
At the scene of a crime
Like a streak of white
She comes just in time.

Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Friendly neighborhood Sperm-woman
Wealth and fame
She's ignored
Action is her reward.

To her, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a wang up
You'll find the Sperm-woman.

 
I'll leave the BIG question - "But what will she wear?!" - in more capable hands than mine. She's a model, after all, and I'm lucky if I can get my socks to match.

Though her symbol, I'm sure, will be a thing of *beauty*.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

♥

[petronelle.livejournal.com]

This is awe-inspiring and all too vivid.

[brownbetty]

RADIOACTIVE SPERM

I feel this bears repeating.

Thank you for exposing me to this beautiful story-line.

[willnobilis.livejournal.com]

I knew you were cool.

I had no idea you were wonderful, intelligent, amazing and witty.

You deserve another ♥. Maybe even three.

♥ ♥ ♥

[http://users.livejournal.com/__marcelo/]

*hums the song despite himself* You are an evil, evil person.

[dine.livejournal.com]

*hearts you*

you've obviously been partaking of the crackiest sort of crack - do it again! by which I mean, this is brilliant!!!

[jarodrussell.livejournal.com]

I assume, to prevent a massive wave of miraculous, man-less conceptions, she'll skip spandex and either wear: rubber, latex, or sheepskin. And I imagine her suit will have some kind of built in ribbing, you know, for her pleasure protection.

[morchades.livejournal.com]

Well... I hate to admit it, but I had something very like this idea (okay, it was THIS idea but with no spider-powers) for a DC couple. But because I don't write fanfiction the Internet was spared.

[dryponder.livejournal.com]

did you just issue a superhero costuming challenge? *gears turning*

man i just don't even know what to say about the state of mainstream comics. i may have to close down my 'all-positive' mainstream comics blog. there's hardly anything left to talk about.

[caia-comica.livejournal.com]

*laughs* As per usual, you make everything better.

By which I mean, of course, MORE INSANE.

Oh dear

[tomfoss.livejournal.com]

That's the funniest thing ever. Thank you!

[lost-angelwings.livejournal.com]

Catches thieves by surprise;
She'll get right in their eyes.

XDDDD

You win XD

[ide-cyan.livejournal.com]

Hee. Best fix-it ever!

And wouldn't she also turn into a lesbian?

[ed-fortune.livejournal.com]

Wow.
Brings the phrase doing a spiderman (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spider+man) full circle.

[thirdblindmouse.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! (here via lj user="thoughtfulfan">

[tikimick.livejournal.com]

YOU WIN THE INTERNETZ OMG XDD

[zandperl.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of the Larry Niven short story "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex." (http://www.larryniven.org/stories/Man_of_Steel_Woman_of_Kleenex.shtml)

[vaecrius.livejournal.com]

Awesomest superhero idea thie year. Possibly decade.

...though I'd imagine her symbol would look a bit like the SOS Brigade logo in black and white...