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So in Reign 3, we learn that Mary Jane was killed from exposure to Spider-man's radioactive sperm. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, this is comic books. People don't die from exposure to radioactive sperm in comic books.
They get super powers!
Mary Jane's new power set would actually be pretty impressive:
- The ability to burrow into things that are spherical and much larger than her… like the Earth!
- Amazing swimming powers.
- A great sense of direction.
- The ability to survive days without food. (Handy talent for a model!)
- The ability to go unseen. It might take *weeks* before anyone knows she did something.
- Angsty "Oh no, I'm mutating!" storylines, in which she grows an extremely long tail.
- A theme song! (Well, she's married, so I figure she can share Peter's theme song. Sharing is what marriage is *about*, right?)
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Does what spermatozoa can.
Catches thieves by surprise;
She'll get right in their eyes.
Look Out!
Here comes the Sperm-woman.
Can she swim fast?
Oh, friend of mine,
She's got a radioactive behind.
Can she burrow underground?
Anywhere that's big and round.
Hey, there-
There goes the Sperm-woman.
In the chill of night
At the scene of a crime
Like a streak of white
She comes just in time.
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Friendly neighborhood Sperm-woman
Wealth and fame
She's ignored
Action is her reward.
To her, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a wang up
You'll find the Sperm-woman.
I'll leave the BIG question - "But what will she wear?!" - in more capable hands than mine. She's a model, after all, and I'm lucky if I can get my socks to match.
Though her symbol, I'm sure, will be a thing of *beauty*.
They get super powers!
Mary Jane's new power set would actually be pretty impressive:
- The ability to burrow into things that are spherical and much larger than her… like the Earth!
- Amazing swimming powers.
- A great sense of direction.
- The ability to survive days without food. (Handy talent for a model!)
- The ability to go unseen. It might take *weeks* before anyone knows she did something.
- Angsty "Oh no, I'm mutating!" storylines, in which she grows an extremely long tail.
- A theme song! (Well, she's married, so I figure she can share Peter's theme song. Sharing is what marriage is *about*, right?)
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Does what spermatozoa can.
Catches thieves by surprise;
She'll get right in their eyes.
Look Out!
Here comes the Sperm-woman.
Can she swim fast?
Oh, friend of mine,
She's got a radioactive behind.
Can she burrow underground?
Anywhere that's big and round.
Hey, there-
There goes the Sperm-woman.
In the chill of night
At the scene of a crime
Like a streak of white
She comes just in time.
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Friendly neighborhood Sperm-woman
Wealth and fame
She's ignored
Action is her reward.
To her, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a wang up
You'll find the Sperm-woman.
I'll leave the BIG question - "But what will she wear?!" - in more capable hands than mine. She's a model, after all, and I'm lucky if I can get my socks to match.
Though her symbol, I'm sure, will be a thing of *beauty*.
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*gets all sniffly*
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I feel this bears repeating.
Thank you for exposing me to this beautiful story-line.
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I had no idea you were wonderful, intelligent, amazing and witty.
You deserve another ♥. Maybe even three.
♥ ♥ ♥
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(Though I must admit, I was baited. Marvel *actually published* the story of the spectacular spider-sperm! What could possibly fit the moment better than a drinking song? Goes well with the drinking required to make it all make sense!)
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Ah yes.. .Marvel is (are?) masters of baiting. *zing!*
And yes, one does need to be drinking for it to make sense. Alcohol, preferrably. As opposed to water or something.
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It's a great shower song. :D
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RADIOACTIVE SPERM!
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you've obviously been partaking of the crackiest sort of crack - do it again! by which I mean, this is brilliant!!!
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*weeps at the senselessness of it all*
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pleasureprotection.From:
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Maybe the skirt will have a sort of ribbed effect, though. :D
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Which DC couple, just out of curiosity? DC does have a couple radioactive people running around...
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Oh. Great. Now you have me thinking about the Shade's, erm, bodily fluids. And whether he has them, as such, or if the shadow... AAAHHH!
*folds arms and sulks*
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(I'm not a regular fanfiction reader but if you do end up writing it, link it to me, please! I'll find time.)
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How did that happen? *buries face in hands*
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man i just don't even know what to say about the state of mainstream comics. i may have to close down my 'all-positive' mainstream comics blog. there's hardly anything left to talk about.
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*attempts to peek inside your brain with one of those doctor lights*
And I like comics, really. By which I mean I like superheroes a whole lot, and I've seen really neat things done with the medium, and where I hang out in the fandom is full of cool people.
Unfortunately, I've lost a lot of my unqualified glee for the printed issues themselves. Most of the comics I look forward to now are not by DC (or Marvel, though I've never been much for Marvel) or at least are not Superhero books. Which is no good, because while I might really enjoy the stories, I am a *Superhero fan*, if you get me. It's not the same thing.
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By which I mean, of course, MORE INSANE.
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(... my unfiltered impulses, mostly, but you know you love me anyway!)
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Oh dear
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She'll get right in their eyes.
XDDDD
You win XD
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But the person I was bouncing the theme song off of threated to refuse to talk to me anymore, so I settled for the genius you see before you. Above you. Something. :D
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And wouldn't she also turn into a lesbian?
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OTOH, if she did have a lesbian affair, the results might be, erm, complicated. (Does whatever sperm can in*deed*.)
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Brings the phrase doing a spiderman (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spider+man) full circle.
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...though I'd imagine her symbol would look a bit like the SOS Brigade logo in black and white...
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