odditycollector (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
odditycollector) wrote2007-02-13 11:47 pm
odditycollector) wrote2007-02-13 11:47 pm
Entry tags:
Does What a Spermatozoon Can
So in Reign 3, we learn that Mary Jane was killed from exposure to Spider-man's radioactive sperm. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, this is comic books. People don't die from exposure to radioactive sperm in comic books.
They get super powers!
Mary Jane's new power set would actually be pretty impressive:
- The ability to burrow into things that are spherical and much larger than her… like the Earth!
- Amazing swimming powers.
- A great sense of direction.
- The ability to survive days without food. (Handy talent for a model!)
- The ability to go unseen. It might take *weeks* before anyone knows she did something.
- Angsty "Oh no, I'm mutating!" storylines, in which she grows an extremely long tail.
- A theme song! (Well, she's married, so I figure she can share Peter's theme song. Sharing is what marriage is *about*, right?)
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Does what spermatozoa can.
Catches thieves by surprise;
She'll get right in their eyes.
Look Out!
Here comes the Sperm-woman.
Can she swim fast?
Oh, friend of mine,
She's got a radioactive behind.
Can she burrow underground?
Anywhere that's big and round.
Hey, there-
There goes the Sperm-woman.
In the chill of night
At the scene of a crime
Like a streak of white
She comes just in time.
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Friendly neighborhood Sperm-woman
Wealth and fame
She's ignored
Action is her reward.
To her, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a wang up
You'll find the Sperm-woman.
I'll leave the BIG question - "But what will she wear?!" - in more capable hands than mine. She's a model, after all, and I'm lucky if I can get my socks to match.
Though her symbol, I'm sure, will be a thing of *beauty*.
They get super powers!
Mary Jane's new power set would actually be pretty impressive:
- The ability to burrow into things that are spherical and much larger than her… like the Earth!
- Amazing swimming powers.
- A great sense of direction.
- The ability to survive days without food. (Handy talent for a model!)
- The ability to go unseen. It might take *weeks* before anyone knows she did something.
- Angsty "Oh no, I'm mutating!" storylines, in which she grows an extremely long tail.
- A theme song! (Well, she's married, so I figure she can share Peter's theme song. Sharing is what marriage is *about*, right?)
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Does what spermatozoa can.
Catches thieves by surprise;
She'll get right in their eyes.
Look Out!
Here comes the Sperm-woman.
Can she swim fast?
Oh, friend of mine,
She's got a radioactive behind.
Can she burrow underground?
Anywhere that's big and round.
Hey, there-
There goes the Sperm-woman.
In the chill of night
At the scene of a crime
Like a streak of white
She comes just in time.
Sperm-woman, Sperm-woman,
Friendly neighborhood Sperm-woman
Wealth and fame
She's ignored
Action is her reward.
To her, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a wang up
You'll find the Sperm-woman.
I'll leave the BIG question - "But what will she wear?!" - in more capable hands than mine. She's a model, after all, and I'm lucky if I can get my socks to match.
Though her symbol, I'm sure, will be a thing of *beauty*.
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How did that happen? *buries face in hands*
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