1) When faced with any of the following: other people's lawyers, bitchy landlords, people who want money from you (other than shop clerks), or people who want anything at all from you that you have no intention whatsoever of providing: DO NOT SMILE. No, really. Give them a cold, blank stare and if you have to talk, talk in a matching voice. It will make at least half of them stammer and go away. Raising an eyebrow and telling silences in awkward places of the conversation can also work wonders.
2) When, on the other hand, faced with door-to-door religion-mongers, cultists etc, SMILE. Dig up your creepiest, jokerishest grin and apply it generously. In addition, spout lines like "Finally, brothers, there you are! I've had the chicken blood and virgin sacrifice ready for ages!"
3) Try not to drop full rum bottles in your bedroom. It's been two years, but as soon as the window's closed, the smell is back.
4) If you or any other family member wants to bring new pets into the household, consider beforehand whether there exists a predator-prey relationship between them and any of your pre-existing pets. It prevents tragedies.
5) Remember to always watch your baggage at the airport.
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":-D
Date: 2008-08-21 07:58 pm (UTC)2) When, on the other hand, faced with door-to-door religion-mongers, cultists etc, SMILE. Dig up your creepiest, jokerishest grin and apply it generously. In addition, spout lines like "Finally, brothers, there you are! I've had the chicken blood and virgin sacrifice ready for ages!"
3) Try not to drop full rum bottles in your bedroom. It's been two years, but as soon as the window's closed, the smell is back.
4) If you or any other family member wants to bring new pets into the household, consider beforehand whether there exists a predator-prey relationship between them and any of your pre-existing pets. It prevents tragedies.
5) Remember to always watch your baggage at the airport.