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I am slooowly putting together some more traditional solicit Monday mocking, but in the meantime, have a further installment of ( Drawing Troll Horns On 'American Vampire' Covers: )
Sometime I am going to acquire physical copies of this series and attack it with an orange gel pen. It seems like an inevitable outcome.
Sometime I am going to acquire physical copies of this series and attack it with an orange gel pen. It seems like an inevitable outcome.
I am going through the solicits in case I want to make fun of them as is my hobby, and what do I come across but this:
BLACKEST NIGHT: WHITE LANTERN 1:4 SCALE POWER BATTERY AND RING PROP REPLICA SET [image] [Solicits @ Newsarama]
From the pages of BLACKEST NIGHT!
Rings of Resurrection! Wearers of the white power ring can bring the dead back to life!
For nine consecutive months in 2011, DC Direct released a 1:4 scale light-up Power Battery and light-up Ring Prop Replica Set featuring a color from the spectrum of the hugely popular DC Comics’ epic BLACKEST NIGHT. The line of battery and ring sets concludes with white!
The White Lantern 1:4 Scale Power Battery and the White Power Ring sit in a translucent display and are removable from the stand. Both light up featuring manual on/off switches. The Power Battery measures approximately 2.875” high (minus handle) x 1.75” wide x 2.375” deep and is made of PVC/ABS. The Power Ring fits most sizes and lights up when worn. The translucent acrylic display measures approximately 1.5” high x 2” wide x 3.25” deep. The set is packaged on a 4-color blister.
On sale December 7, 2011 * Mini Prop Replica Set * $35 US
WHY THE HELL IS THIS THING STILL BEING MARKETED AS THEIR "WHITE POWER RING." I KNOW THE PROBLEM HERE HAS BEEN POINTED OUT TO THEM. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL.
BLACKEST NIGHT: WHITE LANTERN 1:4 SCALE POWER BATTERY AND RING PROP REPLICA SET [image] [Solicits @ Newsarama]
From the pages of BLACKEST NIGHT!
Rings of Resurrection! Wearers of the white power ring can bring the dead back to life!
For nine consecutive months in 2011, DC Direct released a 1:4 scale light-up Power Battery and light-up Ring Prop Replica Set featuring a color from the spectrum of the hugely popular DC Comics’ epic BLACKEST NIGHT. The line of battery and ring sets concludes with white!
The White Lantern 1:4 Scale Power Battery and the White Power Ring sit in a translucent display and are removable from the stand. Both light up featuring manual on/off switches. The Power Battery measures approximately 2.875” high (minus handle) x 1.75” wide x 2.375” deep and is made of PVC/ABS. The Power Ring fits most sizes and lights up when worn. The translucent acrylic display measures approximately 1.5” high x 2” wide x 3.25” deep. The set is packaged on a 4-color blister.
On sale December 7, 2011 * Mini Prop Replica Set * $35 US
WHY THE HELL IS THIS THING STILL BEING MARKETED AS THEIR "WHITE POWER RING." I KNOW THE PROBLEM HERE HAS BEEN POINTED OUT TO THEM. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL.
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More solicits!
That do not accurately reflect anything actually in the comics.
And may contain unexplained crossovers.
( And really too many words! )
Yay! That's all! We should do this again sometime.
That do not accurately reflect anything actually in the comics.
And may contain unexplained crossovers.
( And really too many words! )
Yay! That's all! We should do this again sometime.
I was not expecting solicit Monday to come so early! And, for a month with a *really gory* emergent theme to its covers, to actually be fun (otherwise)! People are not just posing boringly on every single book! I can remember why I like this game!
( Here be May's special Karen variant covers. )
( Here be May's special Karen variant covers. )
There will probably be more later, because this month's solicit theme is "Tentacle Porn Starring Batman" and I will never have the power to resist something like that. People ineligible for Green Lantern rings: me.
But for now, I'll leave you with the solicit for Batwoman... who I'm sure we all remember from the time she starred in a Monistat ad.
( I'm. Something approaching sorry. )
(You have no idea the terrible, terrible jokes I decided against here, on the basis of they'd never make it into actual ad copy. Soooo terrible.)
But for now, I'll leave you with the solicit for Batwoman... who I'm sure we all remember from the time she starred in a Monistat ad.
( I'm. Something approaching sorry. )
(You have no idea the terrible, terrible jokes I decided against here, on the basis of they'd never make it into actual ad copy. Soooo terrible.)
We interrupt this thoughtstream of Yuletide take 4 and counting why do I do this to myself why why why why to bring you this comics cover I saw just now from the March solicits.
It’s the calm before the storm in issue #21. Beetle is dead, Max Lord has Checkmate and the hunt for Wonder Woman has begun. But Booster Gold has given up after losing another friend to Max Lord, and the JLI is left without a leader!
So here is my thoughts.
1. I am 90% sure this is a fakeout, because DC's trying to mine the Jaime Reyes property for tv-related opportunities, and so he is worth more as a story generator. At this point, comics death fakeouts bore me intensely (HOW many Marvel heroes are due to die this month?), and I am irritated to be presented with yet another one which seems targeted to rile up my emotions specifically (as I am a fan of Jaime).
And, to be honest, my emotions sort of are riled. Not that I'm worried for Jaime - he's a fictional construct who isn't in danger of anything except not showing up in team comic books for a few months. But I'm feeling a bunch of bad will towards DC, because of 2:
2. OTOH, I can't be *certain* it is a fakeout, because DC is very trigger happy when it comes to their characters of colour, and has a history of discarding them in favour of either focusing on either white dude manpain (and read that solicit, tell me it is not trying to hook you with Booster's manpain) or making story room for the return of white dudes. Seriously, DC treats their CoC like crap and I can't trust them not to be assholes in any particular case.
And, this is me being cynical, but I can't help but wonder if that's what they're hoping for. That *of course* it is a fakeout, but they are counting on their shitty track record when it comes to non-white-dudes to cause controversy, because no one can be *sure* they aren't drinking from the asshole well yet again. The only suspense value in this shocking twist comes from how willing you are to believe DC is would discard one of their most interesting new characters to earn a couple pages of Booster Gold looking sad.
Not that I'd have been willing to believe they'd drop a building on Lian Harper, last exciting essential event that will change comics forever.
Suspense via. cynicism and bad will. But it doesn't work long term, because of 3:
3. Let me tell you, if they *do* kill off Jaime Reyes? I am pretty much done buying comics for a while. I am close to being done anyway. I've been shopping around for fandoms. I have places to go.
I'd keep the FuckYeahAmandaWaller tumblr, because it needs to exist, but mostly I've been sticking around DC for Supergirl these last couple years, and her book just dumped its solid, enthusiastic, long term writer for a new writer I had, after researching his works, been looking forward to... and then lost the new writer as well. I guess it is back to musical creative teams, and wow I don't need new canon badly enough to go through that clusterfuck again.
DC Comics doesn't owe me anything. Not to make books I enjoy reading, or that are well written, or that star my favourite characters. Not to build online buzz by methods other dangling the threat of killing one of their only Latino heroes: a well meaning, sweet natured boy with a heart of steel. Not even to not go through with it.
But it's not like I owe them anything either. Not moneys, or advertising space, or benefit of the doubt. Not shutting up if they piss me off. Not even those quick and silly Photoshops when Solicit Monday comes around.
Weeeell.
Maybe one, this time.
( Composition of a Comics Cover (uncropped). )
It’s the calm before the storm in issue #21. Beetle is dead, Max Lord has Checkmate and the hunt for Wonder Woman has begun. But Booster Gold has given up after losing another friend to Max Lord, and the JLI is left without a leader!
So here is my thoughts.
1. I am 90% sure this is a fakeout, because DC's trying to mine the Jaime Reyes property for tv-related opportunities, and so he is worth more as a story generator. At this point, comics death fakeouts bore me intensely (HOW many Marvel heroes are due to die this month?), and I am irritated to be presented with yet another one which seems targeted to rile up my emotions specifically (as I am a fan of Jaime).
And, to be honest, my emotions sort of are riled. Not that I'm worried for Jaime - he's a fictional construct who isn't in danger of anything except not showing up in team comic books for a few months. But I'm feeling a bunch of bad will towards DC, because of 2:
2. OTOH, I can't be *certain* it is a fakeout, because DC is very trigger happy when it comes to their characters of colour, and has a history of discarding them in favour of either focusing on either white dude manpain (and read that solicit, tell me it is not trying to hook you with Booster's manpain) or making story room for the return of white dudes. Seriously, DC treats their CoC like crap and I can't trust them not to be assholes in any particular case.
And, this is me being cynical, but I can't help but wonder if that's what they're hoping for. That *of course* it is a fakeout, but they are counting on their shitty track record when it comes to non-white-dudes to cause controversy, because no one can be *sure* they aren't drinking from the asshole well yet again. The only suspense value in this shocking twist comes from how willing you are to believe DC is would discard one of their most interesting new characters to earn a couple pages of Booster Gold looking sad.
Not that I'd have been willing to believe they'd drop a building on Lian Harper, last exciting essential event that will change comics forever.
Suspense via. cynicism and bad will. But it doesn't work long term, because of 3:
3. Let me tell you, if they *do* kill off Jaime Reyes? I am pretty much done buying comics for a while. I am close to being done anyway. I've been shopping around for fandoms. I have places to go.
I'd keep the FuckYeahAmandaWaller tumblr, because it needs to exist, but mostly I've been sticking around DC for Supergirl these last couple years, and her book just dumped its solid, enthusiastic, long term writer for a new writer I had, after researching his works, been looking forward to... and then lost the new writer as well. I guess it is back to musical creative teams, and wow I don't need new canon badly enough to go through that clusterfuck again.
DC Comics doesn't owe me anything. Not to make books I enjoy reading, or that are well written, or that star my favourite characters. Not to build online buzz by methods other dangling the threat of killing one of their only Latino heroes: a well meaning, sweet natured boy with a heart of steel. Not even to not go through with it.
But it's not like I owe them anything either. Not moneys, or advertising space, or benefit of the doubt. Not shutting up if they piss me off. Not even those quick and silly Photoshops when Solicit Monday comes around.
Weeeell.
Maybe one, this time.
( Composition of a Comics Cover (uncropped). )
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I made too many of these last time as well. Turns out, finding boring interpretations of extreme! illustrations is a pretty easy hobby.
( I wasn't sure if these were average enough, but then Photobucket crashed my browser, and oops there went my quota of caring. MLIA. )
( I wasn't sure if these were average enough, but then Photobucket crashed my browser, and oops there went my quota of caring. MLIA. )
By popular singular request, this Solicit Not-Monday-Anymore brings the return of "Entirely average stories, as illustrated by comics artists"! Inspired by MyLifeIsAverage.com.
( Today I used a computer to write some words on some comics covers. Then I posted them for public consumption. MLIA. )
( Today I used a computer to write some words on some comics covers. Then I posted them for public consumption. MLIA. )
This makes two months in a row where the DC Solicits are too boring to mock in Photoshop.
At least last month it wasn't on purpose, just a whole bunch of bland layouts. This month's theme is *officially* contextless pinups with no background. What am I supposed to do faced with that?
At least last month it wasn't on purpose, just a whole bunch of bland layouts. This month's theme is *officially* contextless pinups with no background. What am I supposed to do faced with that?
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This month's solicit cover theme is "incomprehensible faux-double exposure collages," which I guess is at least above previous themes such as "giant disembodied heads eating people" or "characters making o-faces at unbelievably reflective swords" or "explosions placed strategically behind our heroes so as to indicate epic farting".
No, wait. That last one was hilarious times.
However, this month's theme for *here* is ( Guess who found the demotivational poster generator?! )
No, wait. That last one was hilarious times.
However, this month's theme for *here* is ( Guess who found the demotivational poster generator?! )
This month's DC solicits at least *tried* not to feature only boring and disjointed team collages. Allow me to reward these efforts with mockery!
Without reading the accompanying text, I have picked some covers and made my best guess as to which stories they represent! I guess 3 months from now, we will see if I am close!
( Read more... )
Without reading the accompanying text, I have picked some covers and made my best guess as to which stories they represent! I guess 3 months from now, we will see if I am close!
( Read more... )
Dear Brainiac 5, there are times when it is absolutely appropriate to hang back and play with your nipples! But there are also times when maybe it is not.
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Okay, so, the new DC solicits are up, and for the most part I am uninspired to make silly macros. But there was *one* cover that raised some... questions.
( So what would *you* assume is going on in this comic? )
( So what would *you* assume is going on in this comic? )
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Apparently, after triumphing over death itself, the Green Lantern Corps found itself at a loss for new challenges. And... decided to check out ( EXTREME DENTISTRY: )
I applaud them for finding something possibly more terrifying than the ceaseless triumph of Entropy.
Also into EXTREME DENTISTRY: Batman.
I applaud them for finding something possibly more terrifying than the ceaseless triumph of Entropy.
Also into EXTREME DENTISTRY: Batman.
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Last of the MyLifeIsAverage vs Solicit Monday covers!
( Today, I decided I was going to take a break from Photoshop. Then I looked at the time and realized it was tomorrow already. So that was okay. MLIA. )
( Today, I decided I was going to take a break from Photoshop. Then I looked at the time and realized it was tomorrow already. So that was okay. MLIA. )
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