Answers!

[odditycollector]

brown_betty asks:
If the Middleman, Supergirl, Dr Erica Hahn and Cassandra Cain are part of a cult, what parts do they play?

This is, of course, the premise of The Middleman: Leftovers, the spin-off after Wendy Watson has learned all there is to know and started her own Middle-franchise. The Middleman figured that since he had so much fun mentoring *one* exceptional young lady over the past few seasons, it’d go even better with *two*! This is because, in some respects, the Middleman is pretty stupid.

Hahn is one of the weird-shit Middle-consultants, specializing in medical weird-shit. She returns all his platitudes with snark and insults, which in a show starring two girls who *couldn’t* read body language/heart rate & pheromone levels I’m sure would have led to debates on whether they are doin’ it.

When Brainiac 5, Captain Jack Harkness and the tenth Doctor mess up the timeline, what have they done? How do the Doctor and Supergirl fix it?

Ahahaha! Brainiac 5: WORST COMPANION EVER. I mean, seriously, Captain Jack, there are some people you just *should not let in the TARDIS,* even if the idea does seem to be getting them rather… excited. There is probably even a handy list!

Anyway, after the TARDIS vanishes somewhere in time and relative dimension, ripping the fabric of the universe in its wake, the Doctor taps Supergirl to help him track it down on account of she is her *own* time machine in some canons. I don’t know exactly what they do once they catch up, but I bet it involves a lot of yelling at people.

the_wanlorn asks:
Alan Scott, Supergirl and SARAH. There are Zombies. Discus.

So, the zombies are locked in SARAH? And so are Alan and Kara? And…

I’m sorry, but I’m not sure Green Lantern and Supergirl vs Zombies is much of a challenge for their skill sets. Last year Superman got attacked by zombies, and you know what he did? He dumped them *on the moon*. That makes for a *very short* zombie film.

…Maybe *they* rounded up the zombies and put them in SARAH for safe keeping while other people search for a cure? A sudden plague of zombies *does* seem like the sort of thing that would happen in Eureka.

Burton Guster and The Middleman get turned into zombies. How do Starbuck and the tenth Doctor kill them?

TROUT. TROUT!

TROUT.

I am not sure the Doctor *would* kill them – he tends to prefer curing zombism to smashing skulls, which is so gory. On the other hand, Starbuck might decapitate them while the Doctor’s still giving speeches about how smart he is, so. Sorry guys.

Amanda Waller, Cass and Lyle Norg get an apartment together. Discuss the hijinks.

There are no hijinks! There are SECRET NINJA MISSIONS. They are undercover as a happy functional family, and they get away with it because, hey, are *you* going to argue with Waller when she moves in with her Asian daughter and white son?

Captain Jack picks up Sarah Jane Smith. Where & how does s/he do so?

I think I saw this canon. A: 1) Any time they encounter one another, and 2) he is Captain Jack Harkness.

Sarah Connor, Dr. Erica Hahn and Brainiac 5 encounter zombie dinosaurs in the park. What kind of dinosaurs are they and who wants to take one home for a pet?

A variety of dinosaurs. And well, I don’t know about taking one home for a pet, but Brainiac 5 is hoping to get them back in his lab before they trample something important and his superhero license gets suspended again. (The best thing about a wacky scenario involving Brainiac 5: we always know who’s to blame.)

Sarah Connor will try to blow them up, shoot their brains in, or otherwise take them down. And Hahn has enough sense to run the fuck away from the giant stompy monsters. She might be interested in attending their dissection, though, once all is over.

shadowvalkyrie asks:
Sarah Jane Smith is dangling one-handed over a cliff overhang, will Amanda Waller save them?

You mean, the nosey journalist, Sarah Jane Smith? Are we entirely sure Amanda didn’t put her there?

Okay, fine, yes, Amanda would save her, because Sarah Jane is useful and reasonably sympathetic towards shadowy government entities, and Amanda Waller isn’t actually evil. But Amanda might smirk down at Sarah Jane for half a second first, just so SJ *knows* there was a choice involved. Once she was back on solid ground Sarah Jane would call Amanda on it, and there’d be some bitterness until they caught up to the invading aliens.

Now Supergirl and Lyle Norg are dangling (my, either those people are stupid or the national park should invest in some railings). Which one would Captain Jack Harkness save?

In a perfect universe, Lyle Norg and Jack Harkness have encountered each other before on their various adventures. Jack would lean a hip casually against a rock and they’d trade flirty banter back and forth, and then Lyle would bring up the whole dangling-over-the-cliff thing and Jack would say, well, if it would help…

And then Lyle would pull Supergirl up, so there’d be happy endings all around. Except that apparently they’re trapped on a red-sunned world where flight rings don’t work, and Jack’s spaceship can only carry two...

SARAH and Cassandra Cain are a couple. Would they pick up Starbuck or Burton Guster for a threesome?

Cass/a talking house! Finally, somebody whose mind she can’t read through their body language!

Unfortunately, that whole lack of a body thing does the opposite of wonders for their sex life, so the workaround is that Cass brings people home for the night and SARAH keeps her cameras on.

Cass meets Starbuck when a giant mutated amoeba threatens to engulf the town, and Starbuck helps her slice through it’s armoured outer membrane. Alas, Gus didn’t stick around long enough to help them do anything, although he distracted it for a second by screaming like a little girl while he ran away.

Between the roommates the tenth Doctor, the Middleman, Alan Scott and Brainiac 5: who does which chores and how successfully? Who sits on their ass and orders people about?

You know, I am not convinced this is a viable house-sharing scenario. The Doctor and B5 would be always arguing and showing each other up, at everything, because there can only be one cleverest boy in the universe and each knows deep down it is him. Alan Scott would take it upon himself to fill the responsible father figure role, but after a few “Alan Scott! Brilliant! You were the best, you know. The best!”s, it’d lose its novelty and the Doctor would continue blithely ignoring his advice. But it’s okay, Alan is still the Middleman’s hero.

The Middleman is perfectly happy to do more than his fair share of chores, but Alan demands that *everyone* sticks to the schedule. So then the Doctor and Brainy each send down chore-doing machines programmed to do *all* the chores, ever, but which actually end up fighting each other to the explosion.

caia_comica asks:
Starbuck makes Amanda Waller and SARAH fight Alan Scott and Burton Guster for the virtue of Supergirl. Who wins, and what does the Middleman make of it all?

So, while Starbuck’s on Earth that first time, she asks Supergirl to come back with her to fight robots, and Amanda and Alan debate whether or not this is a good idea? Although I’m having trouble seeing Amanda and SARAH agreeing on the basic rights of robots, and Gus is just sitting in the back fanboying Green Lantern and Supergirl and the spacecraft and the talking house. Shawn will never believe he was in this situation!

The Middleman has figured out that if, as I totally believe, that Starbuck is an AU version of Power Girl, then by the transitive property of crossovers, Starbuck is *also* an AU version of Supergirl. Thus, a team up between them might lead to imploding universes or something, depending on what rules of sci fi they are playing by.

So Supergirl doesn’t go, and then everyone poses with Gus for his camera phone (except maybe Amanda).