The letter of the thing.

[odditycollector]

I maintain that, when promising people one line of fic, I did not imply that they wouldn't end up with extra lines as well.

Just to be clear, right?

 

for rosaleendhu: The Devil from Brimstone, a bookstore.

"What are you looking for in a Bible, sir?"

The devil paused in his work and looked up at the young clerk across the aisle. He pretended to consider the question.

"Well, an apology wouldn't go amiss."

The clerk blinked a few times behind his smeared and fogged up glasses. "I'm sorry?"

"Or do you have any with those eighth century lithographs of Mary Magdalene?"

"I don't think so," said the clerk. "Sorry." He wandered off to help a fat greying woman who was scraping a stroller into the sides of the bookshelves. She had a huge pearl necklace wrapped proudly around her throat - a gift from her fat greying husband, who had stolen it from a hooker he'd picked up for three dollars on his last trip to Mexico.

The devil finished folding the dust jacket for Little Johny's Bible Classics around his last issue of Hustler. He started towards the exit of the store, humming something he felt appropriately jaunty. He paused a moment to dispose of his gum in the pages of a gold plated King James edition.

 

for hannahrorlove: Plastic Man, going undercover.

When Batman had mentioned Catwoman would probably be seen in the New York area breaking into at a museum display of feline related sculptures, Plastic Man understood the message. Apparently, he was the only one at the JLA meeting who had, however, because he had been stuck in the shape of a red cat with yellow collar for three hours now and there was *still* no sign of spandex bound muscle to back him up.

Something moving and purple caught his attention, and Plastic Man got ready to spring...

A patch of shadow against the wall gathered itself together and said, "Catwoman."

The bit of purple stilled for a moment, and then took a few languid steps forward. "Batman," she purred. "I've been a naughty girl. Are you here to take me in?"

Batman drew a pair of handcuffs - no, Plastic Man amended, *batcuffs* -- from his belt and swung them once around his finger. Catwoman grinned.

Plastic Man turned into a red and yellow cockroach and skittered away. He would have to ask Superman for the Bat-to-English decoder ring.

 

for m_butterfly: Brimstone/House. "The incredibly obvious question of selling your soul."

"I'm sorry," Cameron said. "You have extensive stage lung cancer."

The patient looked mildly put out. "Hmm," he said. "Do you suppose I should avoid smoke for a while? It might be a bit tricky, considering my permanent address, but I have a friend who’d be delightfully exasperated if I told him I was moving in."

"I wouldn't bother," said House. "You'll be dead in six months either way."

Cameron opened her mouth, shut it, and settled for glaring at him. The patient sighed. "And I’ve grown fond of this body. This is going to be *such* a hassle. Unless..." He brightened, grinning hopefully at House. "Do you have any, shall we say, special programs? For Bill Gates-types or politicians with particularly nasty weapons?"

"What?" said Cameron. "You think we'd--"

"I could make it worth your while."

"Wow," said House. "I think you just jumped directly to stage three: Bargaining. I'm impressed."

"House!"

House looked at her. "What?" he said. "I’m interested to hear what he has to offer."

The patient considered House for a moment. "Would you have use for a few over-quota souls? Reasonable quality, and they don't have the same sleep demands of traditional slaves."

"Around here, we call those ‘fellowship doctors,’" said House.

"Well, yes, same idea. Or… how do you feel about becoming the top doctor in your field?"

"Less nubile young women throwing themselves at my feet than I had imagined, back at fifteen." House said thoughtfully. He leaned toward the patient, adding, "Although, the world would be hard pressed to produce as many nubile young women as I had imagined, back at fifteen."

The patient opened his arms, grinning. "Now this I can work with! What sort of nubile young women did you have in mind, or are you not particular?"

"Okay! That's it!" said Cameron. "We're leaving! And we don't have any way to save you!"

"She's right, you know," said House. "You'd be doomed even if I *had* the energy. Sorry." Cameron practically pushed him out of the exam room.

Wilson looked at them suspiciously as they stepped into the hallway. "Isn't that my patient?"

"Yep." House passed him the file.

Wilson flipped through it. "And you were unnecessarily interacting with another human being because why, exactly?"

"I thought Cameron could use more practice giving bad news."

Cameron winced. Wilson glanced between them, his eyes slowly widening. "Oh, god," he said.

"You know, I really didn't get that impression," said House.

 

for caia_comica: Alan Scott, candy.

Alan hadn't had the opportunity to do this last time he was magically de-aged and, even if it had been Jay's idea, he was really getting into the spirit of things. When the door in front of them started to open, Jay muttered, "About time. We were waiting five whole seconds." Alan elbowed him in the side, almost knocking the suddenly too big hat from Jay's head.

They both grinned at the amused young lady looking down at them. "Trick or treat!

 

for daegaer: Crowley, sunburn.

It was the first day of more than decent weather, and thousands of human beings were packed onto the East London beach and milling about in colourful underpants. They had a tendency to pause nearby and stare at Crowley from the side of their eyes. "Dear," Aziraphale said quietly. "I don't think human spines are that flexible."

Crowley finished rubbing sunblock into the far side of a shoulder blade. "This is important," he said. "The sun causes cancer now, you know. Shoddy workmanship, that: breaking down just as the warranty expires."

"Oh, give me that," Aziraphale said, grabbing the bottle and pouring some lotion onto a hand. He spread it over the spots Crowley had missed. Crowley grinned and stretched his back to help Aziraphale out.

Strangely, the crowd didn't stop gathering.

 

for brown_betty: Gar, and bucket of molasses.

"It's not like materializing molasses is even a useful power," Gar moped. "You can't rob a bank with it. The only thing it could possibly be used for is humiliating giant green bears in front of millions of witnesses."

"I'm sure no one was paying attention to you," Vic said helpfully.

"Oh, *thanks*," said Gar. He pulled at a piece of hair. It was still sticky.

There was a gust of wind and -- "Oh hey, Gar!" said Kid Flash. "I just saw you on the news. You looked really goofy. But, uh, I mean, in a heroic way. Right!" He sped off.

Gar groaned. "I would hide my head under a blanket," he said, "except it would probably *stick*."

"Well," Vic mused, "it could be an interesting new costume choice." Gar threw a pillow at him.