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odditycollector Jan. 2nd, 2011 12:37 pm)
odditycollector Jan. 2nd, 2011 12:37 pm)The characters starring in the answers to your silly questions:
1. Kara Zor-El
2. The Old Spice Man
3. Agatha Heterodyne
4. Burton Guster
5. The Doctor
6. Rose Lalonde
7. Cristina Yang
8. Veronica Palmer
9. a spankbot
10. Amanda Waller
11. Karkat Vantas
12. John Egbert
13. Brainiac 5
14. Cassandra Cain
15. Aziraphale
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hannahrorlove) Where would Agatha Heterodyne, Cristina Yang, and Cassandra Cain be found in the next James Bond movie? Girl of the hour, sexy geek behind the scenes, getaway driver, something else?
Villain team! Or at least opposing agent team. Agatha does the death traps, Cass does the ninja-ing, and Cristina does the masterminding. (We are sad to lose Cristina as a surgeon after all, but it turns out she has transferable skills.)
I think they win.
And get their own movie series.
It is the best thing.
Kara Zor-El and Veronica Palmer are the top candidates for the same position. What is it, and which one gets the job?
Hero Of The City. Kara closed a dimensional rift threatening to engulf the city, and Veronica Palmer was fine with these events until she learned that Kara was getting an official thank you and a *trophy* out of it. Veronica orders her underlings to figure out how to open the rift again, so that *they* can close it. *Properly*, this time. (Where properly is assigned the value of "solution cannot be undone by someone else's R&D scientists; that trophy is *Veronica's*.")
I suspect hijinks are then had but... Kara, as a friend? Let Veronica have the trophy. You do not want to start a one-upping contest with her. It can only escalate, and *you* are the one who prioritizes preventing loss of life. Or, as Veronica would say, "weak".
The Old Spice Man suffers a mid-life crisis - what vehicle do they buy to cope?
Hello Ladies,
I am pleased to hear that every one of your men now celebrates your birthday by cooking you a seven course gourmet dinner with the rare and exotic spices he personally gathered from the rarest and most exotic of jungles - bare handedly fighting his way through hordes of vicious hair-pulling monkeys, confused and hungry Bengal tigers newly escaped from nearby zoos, and the seldom reported tree swinging ninja attack elephants - with the sole motivation of seeing your eyes once again light up with the reflection of his rock like abs and powerful shoulder muscles. And of course, that he does all this clad only in ripped silk boxer shorts and the manly scent of Old Spice Bodywash, and not a lady scented body wash.
It seems my work on this planet is now done, and it is time for me to leave for other worlds which remain in desperate need of my chiseled good looks, deep timbred man voice, and freshly laundered towel to point the way to the Old Spice section of their shower products aisle. Or, in the case of planets already conquered by self-aware and merciless death robots, the Old Spice section of their scented maintenance oil aisle. You may be wondering, do lady robots care if their man robots smell like Old Spice, and not lady-scented maintenance oil? Of course they do.
How will I get to these places? Look up: Before me has just landed a double barreled rainbow, stretching all the way across the sky to the place where I am most needed. Look down: I am riding the rocket powered hover dolphin that will take me there. I am riding this dolphin backwards, to allow you a view of my un-shirted torso as I leave into the cosmos. This is my last gift to you.
Yes, Ladies of Earth, we have come to our moment of farewell. While there was never any doubt to my success in this - or anything else - I can only imagine how heartbroken you are to learn your ears will never again be smoothly caressed by the words formed by my thrumming vocal cords and perfectly shaped tongue, nor your eyes sensually massaged by my almost impossible good looks, nor your nostrils passionately embraced by my powerful and manly body smell.
I can only imagine this, because I am only leaving you, and not myself. But even the barest thought of the possibility has left a hole in my metaphorical chest region, like the hole dug by a metaphorical excavator the size of the galaxy and run on the pure awesomeness power of Tyrannosaurus Rexes and supersonic fighter jets. The only thing great enough to fill that hole will be my memories of you, Ladies, and your brave sacrifice for the good of the cosmos.
And remember, although I'll be gone in both body and spirit, as long as your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady, there will be one sense in which I will never leave you. Olfactory.
Who would get out of a hedge maze first: Burton Guster, John Egbert, or Brainiac 5?
More interesting to me is the question of what these dudes are doing in a hedge maze to begin with! I am guessing they were hanging out, and it was Gus's turn to pick the entertaining thing to do. And while Gus probably (maaaaybe?) isn't subscribed to Hedge-Maze-Monthly or whatever, he could tell you all about the 20 most awesome historical hedge mazes and occasionally plans out designs for his fantasy maze that will be grown at his fantasy mansion where he and Shawn will live together after their fantasy wedding. He has the fantasy bow-ties all picked out.
So Brainy and Gus and John go to Gus' favourite hedge maze! Brainy is as bad as Shawn though, if not worse: if he's not in a hurry (or bored) Brainiac 5 determines by checking out the root patterns and soil erosion which way to go, and makes it to the exit making no wrong turns at all. If he *is*, he cheats by flying off thanks to his flight ring.
OTOH, John didn't even get the memo that they were racing. After half an hour of waiting at the exit, Gus goes back in for him. But it turns out John isn't lost at all, he's just exploring down all the twists and turns. Every single one. You never know when you will find something cool hidden in a disguised path! "There's nothing that way but bark mulch," says Brainiac 5, who is hovering annoyed overhead while John and Gus retrace their steps ONCE AGAIN because John noticed a cool mushroom he missed on the first pass.
But it is still better than the time they went to tour that nuclear reactor and Gus lost track of the others due to harassing the tour guide about if he was wearing enough radiation protection. Brainiac 5 got into the core and tried to Make Improvements around panicking staff members, and John found a button-covered console (recently vacated, because some crazy green dude is *screwing with the reactor core* all hands on HELP) and started pushing the buttons at random.
...Gus. Dude. Whyfore you gotta have such weirdass friends. Like seriously. Also they are teenagers and you are not.
Veronica Palmer and Rose Lalonde are a team on the latest season of The Amazing Race. How long do they last before they're eliminated, or do they manage to win?
Teaming up Veronica's drive to win no matter what and Rose's unwillingness to cooperate with puzzle games... A+ thinking, whoever runs these things. This is the problem with picking characters from so many disparate canons. Does anyone reading get what a bad idea this is? So bad. Hilariously, hilariously bad, and if I thought I wasn't nearly the only one familiar with both series I would just point and laugh instead of having to show my work.
How about an example. Say the current challenge is in a historic stone cottage in a small English town, and the teams must follow hints to find *which* stone cottage, and then once inside they must find a crystal wineglass which resonates at the precise frequency to shatter a fancy window (full disclosure, I have seen a total of 10 minutes of AR in my lifetime, probably this isn't what the challenges are like). Rather than solve for the clues, Rose decides to explode ALL the historic stone cottages in the area - no windows left NOW - and then the factory that makes the windows and the one that makes the wineglasses, just in case. Meanwhile, Veronica is sabotaging the other teams, giving them (experimental) food poisoning, slashing their rental car tires, and hiring away all of the taxi drivers in two hundred miles. If they try to make it on foot she will throw rocks at them until they give up, hopefully by dropping unconscious.
This is if they are actually playing along, rather than skipping ahead to the last challenge or, more likely, going after the network itself to demand their prize. The last ever season ofanything Amazing Race is *amazing* at least.
While they're hanging out, Veronica keeps asking Rose about her father, despite Rose not having a father (exactly). True test tube baby, Rose Lalonde, and it's likely Rose was actually introduced to the Veridian Dynamics people through her *mother*, if the secret underground lab at Rose's house is any indication. But Veronica isn't paying enough attention to grok that not all blonde girls named Rose are the spawn of her favourite R&D department manager. After correcting Veronica the first time, Rose mentally rolled her eyes and went with it, sharing a series of (*obviously* false) gossip. This will later lead to bewildering and hilarious interactions between Veronica and Ted Crisp, assuming the planet survives this season of Amazing Race.
The Doctor, Amanda Waller, Karkat Vantas and Aziraphale are classmates in a Wacky High School AU and have to work together to create a group presentation on the marine biology of the Caribbean for science class. Who's the presenter? Who does the majority of the research? Who puts together the powerpoint presentation? Who took charge and coordinated everything? And most important, what Wacky Hijinks took place when they were working on the project?
...what. What even. This question has broken my imagination at "high school AU".
Okay, so. Um. I guess this is the AU where Homestuck ends and everyone ends up on Earth, or a reasonable facsimile of. And then the alien kids are like, now what? And John Egbert is like, you know what would be an really great idea? If you went to school with me! To learn the ways of human society, since you will be hanging out with us from now on. And Karkat is like, fuck that, he is already more adept at human society than any humans could be, because judging from the ones he's met, humans are so stupid their society must be *really* simple to navigate. Except he does not put it so nicely. Also John made him watch every Matthew McConaughey movie ever, so he is totally all studied up on how things work.
But of course the aliens end up going to high school, like in that vampire trope that confuses me. This is... this is not actually a really great idea, okay? (Somehow I suspect John knew this, and really Karkat should be more wary of suggestions John makes, especially if John starts giggling to himself afterward for no apparent reason.) This is actually a really BAD idea. Even after it is explained that sticking so many young people in close quarters does not mean they are expected to battle for supremacy, and in fact the point is for *everyone* to survive to adulthood. We are kind of wimps that way: human social norms lesson one.
The school board was really adamant they understand this. Or should have been, if they knew anything at all about Alternian society, which of course they do not. You can tell, because they okay'd these kids to attend their local high school, instead of just jibbering and running away a bunch.
So that happened. Obviously then, the Doctor and Aziraphale are each there undercover, disguised as students, to investigate what a dozen aliens from another universe are doing attending an American high school. (Turns out the answer is having HILARIOUS awkward teenage melodrama, so. What can you do.) Amanda Waller is also there for similar purposes, but she is playing the role of a science teacher rather than an exceedingly odd English boy.
And THEN she assigns her class a presentation, and the Doctor and Aziraphale get in a weird being British contest about who gets to be Karkat's project partner, the better to discover what evil alien schemes he is scheming! (A: not really all that many, unless you are counting fantasies of getting revenge on John.) Karkat announces they can both be on his team, as long as they recognize him as the team leader and also get off his bulge already about his fucking language, jegus.
No one does any research, as Karkat delegates that off like the natural hatched leader he maintains he is, and the Doctor and Aziraphale both believe they are already fully versed in the subject. But they don't quite agree on the minutia, and they spend more time correcting each other (via time travel field trips) than investigating Karkat. Which is fine, because Karkat seems to spend all his spare moments either arguing with people over the internet or watching terrible romance tv. (I guess *maybe* that counts as research? There could be one starring marine biologists? Or maybe he catches that classic Earth human comedy, Jaws.)
The presentation itself is the worst thing that has happened in that school since the time they tried to get Eridan to join the swim team. Or the time the English teacher was faced with the prospect of assigning a grade to Kanaya's (succinctly titled) book report on Moby Dick:
Regarding An Evocatively Written Romance Story Wherein A Naval Captain Finds His Fated Nemesis Is A Sea Dwelling Monster
And Their Unyielding Passion Ultimately Dooms Him Along With His Ship And All Crew Save The Viewpoint Character
Incidentally It Has Been Brought To My Attention That The Title Of This Book Can Be Construed As A Euphemism For A Piece Of Human Reproductive Anatomy I Personally Find Distasteful To Contemplate
(There are a lot of worst things that happen in that school. Someone tried to open a KFC across the street! For their Christmas production, the drama class was planning to perform a nativity play rather than Cats! The teachers tried to enforce the "assignments done in black or blue ink only" rule!)
Anyway, the Doctor stuck a bunch of random images together at the last minute - only half of them related to the marine biology of the Caribbean - and somehow sonic screwdrivered them into a Powerpoint presentation. He then gave an incomprehensible ramble while flipping through them, tangenting off to anecdotes that tended to end with "Actually, I guess you're too young for that story". But trust him, it was a funny thing that happened in this exact spot in 4520 B.C. Oh! And the colour of this fish! The only other place in the *Universe* you can find that colour naturally is the north-most forest of the second planet in the Tryvv system, where the wood nymphs.... Weeeell. You may be too young for that story.
And then when it is Karkat's turn to present, the Powerpoint slide is on a picture of a squid, so he starts ranting about giant, hungry gods, suspended in the dark beyond spacetime, who slide their tentacles into your brain if you are stupid enough to fall asleep. Half the class catches nightmares. And then Aziraphale gets up to debate theology with him, because *really*, he's sure he would have seen the blueprints for something like *that*. Or at least heard mention of the project. And arguing theology with Karkat means Karkat will once again take credit for creating the universe and everything in it (including the marine biology of the Caribbean) and that REALLY wasn't covered in Aziraphale's angel classes.
It is lucky for everyone that Amanda Waller is in charge of this class, because it can be a challenge to shut up Karkat and/or the Doctor in these situations. But you can't beat the Wall in an angry yelling contest. She is simply the best there is.
(wrabbit) What does Veronica Palmer do to relax?
[INSERT VIDEO OF VERONICA FIRING SOME PEOPLE]
[INSERT VIDEO OF VERONICA SHOOTING AN OVERSTUFFED OFFICE CHAIR WITH A SILENCED HANDGUN]
[INSERT VIDEO OF VERONICA PRANCING AROUND ON STAGE IN A LEOTARD BEING A MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT]
Um. Veronica Palmer knows several fun ways to let off steam.
Gus and The Doctor are accidentally telepathically bonded. How's that working out for them?
WHO'S THE PSYCHIC ONE *NOW*, SHAWN?
Except someone help him please his brain is on fire.
Agatha Heterodyne and Karkat Vantas are trapped in a snowed-in cabin for the winter. A very long winter. Otherwise its quite comfortable. Is this romance, comedy, tragedy or horror?
Sorry. Agatha Heterdyne is not stuck nowhere for a very long snowed in winter. ...Unless she wants to be, in the case there is a REALLY interesting science project around. I guess some of the Homestuck tech would probably count. She assumes Karkat is simply a disagreeable Construct. And she's not *actually* going to hurt him, because she is Our Hero like that, but Karkat is prone to misunderstanding people's intentions when they threaten him with sharp objects.
So.... Is this romance, comedy, tragedy or horror.... all of them? Depends on who you ask.
(red_eft) John Egbert and a spankbot adopt a pet together! What kind do they get? What do they name it? Do they teach it any tricks?
One day, John is walking past the pet store, and he sees a fat yellow salamander in an aquarium which reminds him of the salamanders he met on his adventuring. Of course he takes it home, where he teaches it so many tricks. So many. Except it is a salamander, so by "tricks" mostly I mean John keeps putting it places where people would be somewhat offput to find a salamander.
Also I guess he has acquired a spankbot somewhere? Probably his sister built one for him, like maybe the cyborg stuffed bunny has some weird features because that is what happens when you program robots in your sleep. Ask Brainiac 5, okay, he will tell you that it is not recommended.
petra Rose Lalonde suffers a head injury and wakes up in close proximity to Burton Guster. What do they think of it, and how does Veronica Palmer react when ze finds out?
So it is down to Rose and Veronica against Gus and Shawn Spencer in the Amazing Race (literal) Deathmatch? I guess that makes sense. Gus and Shawn would do pretty well in the Amazing Race, both in the figuring out clues AND the avoiding getting poisoned by Veronica aspects of the game.
I'm not sure what happened to Rose, as she's not dumb enough to explode a building/mountain/moon while she's in the way of the debris. Maybe she caught the edge of whatever the Earth's military forces have put together to stop this reality tv show rampage (which does not actually have a bodycount, for the record)? Even though Gus is understandably freaked out by Rose (both as a threat and as a 13 year old goth girl), he lends her a compress to help her stop the bleeding. After all, he's carrying around a first aid kit so well stocked there is probably product placement involved.
Veronica sees them emerging from the rubble and immediately blames Rose for colluding with the enemy. Rose doesn't help by sarcastically agreeing with Veronica's assertions and elaborating on her and Gus' secret plans to undercut Veronica and take the title for themselves and then use the prize money for an expensive and highly illegal wedding.
Gus takes the chance to run away! Run awaaaay! But later in an interview segment the tv crew asks him about his relationship with Rose and if there is any truth to their secret (and illegal) love affair, and it is really awkward. Does NO ONE get sarcasm?
Agatha Heterodyne and Cassandra Cain celebrate a holiday together. What holiday, and what do they do for it?
I think this is the opening scene for one of the Agatha/Cass/Cristina Are Badasses movies. It is Cristina's birthday, and Agatha and Cass have arranged a surprise party!
It would have been an unmitigated disaster, but luckily for everyone Cristina never shows up. They go check in case Cristina has once again gotten drunk and passed out on top of an equally drunk Meredith Grey - her traditional method of birthday celebration - but Meredith hasn't seen her either! Something Nefarious has happened! Unless they are the villain team themselves, I guess. I haven't really worked out the details. Something Nefarious and/or Anti-Nefarious has happened! Now Agatha and Cass have to track Cristina down!
...he is not in this meme, but maybe Tony Stark needed a heart surgeon. Iron Man seems like the natural enemy against the Agatha/Cass/Cristina Are Badasses team, doesn't he? Sparky guy clad in ninja-tested armour who has a death ray for a heart. (...Uh. When I put it like that, he actually sounds like Agatha's dream dude. Oh well, there are too many teenagers in this movie series to entirely avoid melodrama.)
(There are just too many teenagers in this meme period. What was I thinking?)
Amanda, Cristina Yang, John Egbert, a spankbot, and Karkat form a team to run confidence schemes. Who is the Inside (Wo)Man, the Roper, the Fixer? Who do they swindle?
no they don't. They don't do this. You are the worst to me, Petra.
Okay, as a compromise, here is a thing that happens. Cristina Yang uncovers some evidence that there are nasty shenanigans going on in secret at her hospital, involving kidnapping of non-human people. She contacts Amanda Waller about it, because Yang and Waller are probably on the same Hardcore Ladies who Get Shit Done mailing list. It turns out Amanda is not behind the disappearances, but she is damn well going to find out who is. I guess that means Cristina is the Inside Woman, and Amanda would be the Fixer?
Amanda Waller's philosophy at getting shit done is more manipulative and less "stabs first; questions never" than Karkat's, but he still imprinted HARD on her back in the question where she was pretending to be his science teacher. (We will ignore for purposes of this meme who else might have imprinted on her.) At first Amanda tried to discourage this by, eg, arranging for Ben Turner to spar with him and kick his ass, but somehow this did the OPPOSITE of dissuading him from following her around. She seriously has enough stupid in her life without a belligerent adolescent bug creature electing her its surrogate parent... though OTOH, there is probably no one else in the world more qualified for the job. It's best for the planet if he grows up useful, after all. And he can do anger fuelled stubbornness, now if only she can teach him the value of patience...
ANYWAY. Amanda's plan requires a non-human to act as bait, so she sends Karkat to the Seattle Grace Hospital emergency room. John is the one who brings him in - he's Karkat's backup, which makes sense on a lot of levels. John's human and thus not a target; John's an extremely difficult opponent in battle; John's of all Karkat's friends the one LEAST likely to abandon Karkat to fend for himself (For the lulz, or because he can't be assed, or because he gets distracted, or because he's decided Karkat deserves to be taught a lesson... there's a reason his species doesn't have language to differentiate between "friend" and "enemy"). And Karkat has given John so many opportunities for betrayal - when it wasn't even life or death or anything! - but John comes through every. single. fucking. time. ):B
John makes up symptoms that Karkat doesn't even have the biology for, but it's not like any of the human doctors know enough to figure that out. (I guess John is the roper? And also Karkat? Not really solid on these terms.) Pretty quickly the hospital people sedate Karkat to, uh, Calm Him Down, but this is more or less expected in the plan. When they tell John they need to wheel Karkat away into a private area, John digs out the cyborg stuffed bunny rabbit (I assume with its cyborg parts camouflaged) and sticks it in Karkat's arms, telling everyone Karkat needs it to sleep. (hehehehe)
As expected, Karkat is stolen away! But Amanda is tracking him to find out where he's being taken. Karkat eventually wakes up in a fluorescent lighted underground facility, bleary and still cuddling the bunny. Probably he wakes up on a slab next to horrifying medical equipment - aka, after Karkat grabs them, weapons.
Karkat groggily fights his way out with the help of the cyborg bunny, which sometimes shoots laser death beams at fleeing guards... and sometimes defeats them by giving them a sound spanking. WHAT THE HELL. Why does John have this thing? It's terrible. By the time they reach the elevator to go up, Karkat has lost it and is swearing loudly and threatening the bunny, which responds by overpowering him and giving *him* a spanking. Of course, that is when Amanda's forces plus John arrive to rescue him, and the rescue video ends up on the human news and all the other Troll kids see it. Also the bit from the hospital where an unconscious Karkat is cradling the bunny in an adorable manner.
It is in its entirety the Worst Possible Thing, and it is all John's fault. John is the most awful person who could ever exist in any universe ever. Karkat hates John. He hates John so much.
Obviously, Amanda successfully finds out who was behind everything, and disappears *them*. I guess it is a good team up after all!
Alas, now that I've gotten this far, I find I must reevaluate odds of this team coming together more than once. Amanda Waller has somehow twisted things until Cristina Yang owes *her* a favour. John has classified this adventure in his brain as "pranking people for the greater good" and now I'm worried he is going to put "con man!" on his Personal Planning schoolwork under "Ideal Career". And Karkat will not stop bugging Amanda to go on another mission to make up for the above clusterfuck, despite it objectively working out pretty well.
(Plus, Karkat is not about to let John and Amanda team up without him; he has not even forgiven John for *liking* her. Because, according to John, she reminds him of Karkat.... Sometimes Karkat tries to convince himself that John wouldn't always manage to say the exact worst thing unless deep down John hated him back, but it never works, he knows John is just stupid. And thus even more awful.)
Brainiac 5 and Kara Zor-El start a business together. How do they earn their living?
As an afterthought.
They are scientist superheroes who require money for very few of their activities! Or maybe a great many of them, they aren't really keeping track. (They *know*, they just don't bother thinking about it very much. Must be nice.) A lot of the time they aren't even in the planet's lightcone, and if you think currency exchange between countries is difficult to deal with...
The paperwork for the business in question was actually put through by one of the Legion's PR people, who also goes through the list of stuff Brainy and Kara invent and applies for the 31st century equivalent of patents. It's kind of a symbiotic relationship, according to the self-promoted PR person, though neither of them care enough to ask what the salary is they are paying out.
The Doctor and Aziraphale are buddy cops. Which one is the By the Book one, and which one is the Maverick? How long do they work together?
Deeming this question Too Easy, I tried to convince myself of a setup wherein Aziraphale is the Maverick and the Doctor is the By the Book one. Not sure it can be done, except maybe for the special story or two every season where specific circumstances conspire that they switch roles for the duration of the episode. I mean, Aziraphale is a Maverick in his own way! He would just feel better about it if he was following a book titled "How To Be A Maverick".
After meeting in a disastrous scenario involving pretending to be 13 year olds working on a biology presentation, they team up for a while! We are not too sure how long exactly, because of the time travelling and the immortality and similar, but they get along to the buddy cop standard, and they have similar goals re: the universe not imploding, and they both can sense things not going as they should (though not necessarily in the same ways, which keeps things interesting). The Doctor still keeps collecting Sidekicks Of The Week, though. ("Really, my dear.")
(red_eft) If Aziraphale, Agatha Heterdyne and the Doctor got lost in the wilderness, how well would they manage?
What the hell, I should just rename this as The Doctor and Aziraphale's Bogus Journey meme. THE ANGEL HAS THE PHONEBOX.
...or not, because apparently after arresting her for misuse of time machines, they let Agatha Heterodyne get loose in the TARDIS engine room. And now they are lost in the wilds of time. Way to go, guys, this buddy cop team up is off to a most impressive start.
(jarodrussell) How would Burton Guster kill Superman?
Aw, Gus. I can't BELIEVE you backed over your collectible Superman statue. I'm not sure why Shawn put it behind your back tire, but let this be a lesson to you to ALWAYS DO A 360 DEGREE CAR CHECK.
...Yeah, it's okay, I'd be crying too.
Does Agatha Heterodyne have my $5?
If she did, she probably spent it on killer robot parts. Do... do you really want to try to recover them for refund?
What's up with Aziraphale, did they ever go on that picnic with the Doctor?
No, because they were interrupted by shenanigans requiring the services of BUDDY COPS!
Probably in this case it is a crossover with the Dirk Gently tv series England is trying to start. I am pretty excited about that!
Would Cristina Yang prefer an iPod or Anthrax?
Cristina Yang would prefer a patient exposed to anthrax, although I'm a little concerned about the MASSIVE DRAMA her tv show would milk out of an anthrax scare. Grey's Anatomy is about full up on drama at the moment.
(tiggerwrites) The Doctor Hates Agatha Heterodyne how did this happen.
As mentioned, YOU DO NOT MESS WITH THE TARDIS. Worst Companion (of the week) since Aziraphale misunderstood the Doctor's rivalry and invited the Master in for tea and gossip!
(count_fenring) Agatha Heterodyne, Rose Lalonde, and Karkat Vantas form a conspiracy to take over the throne of England. Which pair are involved in a disastrous love affair that results in their capture, nude, in the bottom of the Parliament building, and how does the third rescue them?
...I know Rose and Karkat are slotted to battle an enemy called "Lord English", but it can't be that easy. Can it?
Apparently so! It was Queen Elizabeth II ALL ALONG! Or Queen Albia, I guess, if they're teaming up in Agatha's universe, but the image of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II single-handedly fighting off Agatha's death rays and Rose's knitting needles of DOOM and Karkat's... slicey weapons (sorry dude you are outclassed)... This is now a thing I want to happen.
Anyway, Agatha Heterodyne and Rose Lalonde bond over not believing there is ANY sort of knowledge - or death ray - ladykind should fear to wield. Agatha tries to isolate what makes Rose's knitting needles of DOOM work so she can add them to her death rays. Rose ponders if and-ing a death ray to her needles will make them more dangerous (not really). The bits where Rose responds with quiet irony to Agatha's MAD excitement are absolutely hilarious... the third or so time you read over them. Theirs is more a BFFery that might one day blossom into romance, but inopportune nudity just happens sometimes if you are in a Girl Genius adventure.
Karkat rescues them by slicing up police and politicians until there are no more between him and their cell. Hey, it works just as well as anything sneakier. But on reaching them he is traumatized. Bleach is not enough; now he's going to have to go stare at the sun until *his* eyes boil in their sockets. Humans are squishy and gross and it should be a culling offense for them to take their clothes off ever. It is going to be the first law he passes after they explode the Queen.
THE END
Things learned: 1) The meme has some very definite opinions about BUDDY COP partnerships. 2) Putting the Homestuck kids in the meme will BREAK IT re: universe alignment. Some of those answers are ridiculously long.
PS, a couple people left me silly questions after I went to sleep. I'll get to them later.
ETA: Which I did, part two is here!
1. Kara Zor-El
2. The Old Spice Man
3. Agatha Heterodyne
4. Burton Guster
5. The Doctor
6. Rose Lalonde
7. Cristina Yang
8. Veronica Palmer
9. a spankbot
10. Amanda Waller
11. Karkat Vantas
12. John Egbert
13. Brainiac 5
14. Cassandra Cain
15. Aziraphale
(
hannahrorlove) Where would Agatha Heterodyne, Cristina Yang, and Cassandra Cain be found in the next James Bond movie? Girl of the hour, sexy geek behind the scenes, getaway driver, something else?Villain team! Or at least opposing agent team. Agatha does the death traps, Cass does the ninja-ing, and Cristina does the masterminding. (We are sad to lose Cristina as a surgeon after all, but it turns out she has transferable skills.)
I think they win.
And get their own movie series.
It is the best thing.
Kara Zor-El and Veronica Palmer are the top candidates for the same position. What is it, and which one gets the job?
Hero Of The City. Kara closed a dimensional rift threatening to engulf the city, and Veronica Palmer was fine with these events until she learned that Kara was getting an official thank you and a *trophy* out of it. Veronica orders her underlings to figure out how to open the rift again, so that *they* can close it. *Properly*, this time. (Where properly is assigned the value of "solution cannot be undone by someone else's R&D scientists; that trophy is *Veronica's*.")
I suspect hijinks are then had but... Kara, as a friend? Let Veronica have the trophy. You do not want to start a one-upping contest with her. It can only escalate, and *you* are the one who prioritizes preventing loss of life. Or, as Veronica would say, "weak".
The Old Spice Man suffers a mid-life crisis - what vehicle do they buy to cope?
Hello Ladies,
I am pleased to hear that every one of your men now celebrates your birthday by cooking you a seven course gourmet dinner with the rare and exotic spices he personally gathered from the rarest and most exotic of jungles - bare handedly fighting his way through hordes of vicious hair-pulling monkeys, confused and hungry Bengal tigers newly escaped from nearby zoos, and the seldom reported tree swinging ninja attack elephants - with the sole motivation of seeing your eyes once again light up with the reflection of his rock like abs and powerful shoulder muscles. And of course, that he does all this clad only in ripped silk boxer shorts and the manly scent of Old Spice Bodywash, and not a lady scented body wash.
It seems my work on this planet is now done, and it is time for me to leave for other worlds which remain in desperate need of my chiseled good looks, deep timbred man voice, and freshly laundered towel to point the way to the Old Spice section of their shower products aisle. Or, in the case of planets already conquered by self-aware and merciless death robots, the Old Spice section of their scented maintenance oil aisle. You may be wondering, do lady robots care if their man robots smell like Old Spice, and not lady-scented maintenance oil? Of course they do.
How will I get to these places? Look up: Before me has just landed a double barreled rainbow, stretching all the way across the sky to the place where I am most needed. Look down: I am riding the rocket powered hover dolphin that will take me there. I am riding this dolphin backwards, to allow you a view of my un-shirted torso as I leave into the cosmos. This is my last gift to you.
Yes, Ladies of Earth, we have come to our moment of farewell. While there was never any doubt to my success in this - or anything else - I can only imagine how heartbroken you are to learn your ears will never again be smoothly caressed by the words formed by my thrumming vocal cords and perfectly shaped tongue, nor your eyes sensually massaged by my almost impossible good looks, nor your nostrils passionately embraced by my powerful and manly body smell.
I can only imagine this, because I am only leaving you, and not myself. But even the barest thought of the possibility has left a hole in my metaphorical chest region, like the hole dug by a metaphorical excavator the size of the galaxy and run on the pure awesomeness power of Tyrannosaurus Rexes and supersonic fighter jets. The only thing great enough to fill that hole will be my memories of you, Ladies, and your brave sacrifice for the good of the cosmos.
And remember, although I'll be gone in both body and spirit, as long as your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady, there will be one sense in which I will never leave you. Olfactory.
Who would get out of a hedge maze first: Burton Guster, John Egbert, or Brainiac 5?
More interesting to me is the question of what these dudes are doing in a hedge maze to begin with! I am guessing they were hanging out, and it was Gus's turn to pick the entertaining thing to do. And while Gus probably (maaaaybe?) isn't subscribed to Hedge-Maze-Monthly or whatever, he could tell you all about the 20 most awesome historical hedge mazes and occasionally plans out designs for his fantasy maze that will be grown at his fantasy mansion where he and Shawn will live together after their fantasy wedding. He has the fantasy bow-ties all picked out.
So Brainy and Gus and John go to Gus' favourite hedge maze! Brainy is as bad as Shawn though, if not worse: if he's not in a hurry (or bored) Brainiac 5 determines by checking out the root patterns and soil erosion which way to go, and makes it to the exit making no wrong turns at all. If he *is*, he cheats by flying off thanks to his flight ring.
OTOH, John didn't even get the memo that they were racing. After half an hour of waiting at the exit, Gus goes back in for him. But it turns out John isn't lost at all, he's just exploring down all the twists and turns. Every single one. You never know when you will find something cool hidden in a disguised path! "There's nothing that way but bark mulch," says Brainiac 5, who is hovering annoyed overhead while John and Gus retrace their steps ONCE AGAIN because John noticed a cool mushroom he missed on the first pass.
But it is still better than the time they went to tour that nuclear reactor and Gus lost track of the others due to harassing the tour guide about if he was wearing enough radiation protection. Brainiac 5 got into the core and tried to Make Improvements around panicking staff members, and John found a button-covered console (recently vacated, because some crazy green dude is *screwing with the reactor core* all hands on HELP) and started pushing the buttons at random.
...Gus. Dude. Whyfore you gotta have such weirdass friends. Like seriously. Also they are teenagers and you are not.
Veronica Palmer and Rose Lalonde are a team on the latest season of The Amazing Race. How long do they last before they're eliminated, or do they manage to win?
Teaming up Veronica's drive to win no matter what and Rose's unwillingness to cooperate with puzzle games... A+ thinking, whoever runs these things. This is the problem with picking characters from so many disparate canons. Does anyone reading get what a bad idea this is? So bad. Hilariously, hilariously bad, and if I thought I wasn't nearly the only one familiar with both series I would just point and laugh instead of having to show my work.
How about an example. Say the current challenge is in a historic stone cottage in a small English town, and the teams must follow hints to find *which* stone cottage, and then once inside they must find a crystal wineglass which resonates at the precise frequency to shatter a fancy window (full disclosure, I have seen a total of 10 minutes of AR in my lifetime, probably this isn't what the challenges are like). Rather than solve for the clues, Rose decides to explode ALL the historic stone cottages in the area - no windows left NOW - and then the factory that makes the windows and the one that makes the wineglasses, just in case. Meanwhile, Veronica is sabotaging the other teams, giving them (experimental) food poisoning, slashing their rental car tires, and hiring away all of the taxi drivers in two hundred miles. If they try to make it on foot she will throw rocks at them until they give up, hopefully by dropping unconscious.
This is if they are actually playing along, rather than skipping ahead to the last challenge or, more likely, going after the network itself to demand their prize. The last ever season of
While they're hanging out, Veronica keeps asking Rose about her father, despite Rose not having a father (exactly). True test tube baby, Rose Lalonde, and it's likely Rose was actually introduced to the Veridian Dynamics people through her *mother*, if the secret underground lab at Rose's house is any indication. But Veronica isn't paying enough attention to grok that not all blonde girls named Rose are the spawn of her favourite R&D department manager. After correcting Veronica the first time, Rose mentally rolled her eyes and went with it, sharing a series of (*obviously* false) gossip. This will later lead to bewildering and hilarious interactions between Veronica and Ted Crisp, assuming the planet survives this season of Amazing Race.
The Doctor, Amanda Waller, Karkat Vantas and Aziraphale are classmates in a Wacky High School AU and have to work together to create a group presentation on the marine biology of the Caribbean for science class. Who's the presenter? Who does the majority of the research? Who puts together the powerpoint presentation? Who took charge and coordinated everything? And most important, what Wacky Hijinks took place when they were working on the project?
...what. What even. This question has broken my imagination at "high school AU".
Okay, so. Um. I guess this is the AU where Homestuck ends and everyone ends up on Earth, or a reasonable facsimile of. And then the alien kids are like, now what? And John Egbert is like, you know what would be an really great idea? If you went to school with me! To learn the ways of human society, since you will be hanging out with us from now on. And Karkat is like, fuck that, he is already more adept at human society than any humans could be, because judging from the ones he's met, humans are so stupid their society must be *really* simple to navigate. Except he does not put it so nicely. Also John made him watch every Matthew McConaughey movie ever, so he is totally all studied up on how things work.
But of course the aliens end up going to high school, like in that vampire trope that confuses me. This is... this is not actually a really great idea, okay? (Somehow I suspect John knew this, and really Karkat should be more wary of suggestions John makes, especially if John starts giggling to himself afterward for no apparent reason.) This is actually a really BAD idea. Even after it is explained that sticking so many young people in close quarters does not mean they are expected to battle for supremacy, and in fact the point is for *everyone* to survive to adulthood. We are kind of wimps that way: human social norms lesson one.
The school board was really adamant they understand this. Or should have been, if they knew anything at all about Alternian society, which of course they do not. You can tell, because they okay'd these kids to attend their local high school, instead of just jibbering and running away a bunch.
So that happened. Obviously then, the Doctor and Aziraphale are each there undercover, disguised as students, to investigate what a dozen aliens from another universe are doing attending an American high school. (Turns out the answer is having HILARIOUS awkward teenage melodrama, so. What can you do.) Amanda Waller is also there for similar purposes, but she is playing the role of a science teacher rather than an exceedingly odd English boy.
And THEN she assigns her class a presentation, and the Doctor and Aziraphale get in a weird being British contest about who gets to be Karkat's project partner, the better to discover what evil alien schemes he is scheming! (A: not really all that many, unless you are counting fantasies of getting revenge on John.) Karkat announces they can both be on his team, as long as they recognize him as the team leader and also get off his bulge already about his fucking language, jegus.
No one does any research, as Karkat delegates that off like the natural hatched leader he maintains he is, and the Doctor and Aziraphale both believe they are already fully versed in the subject. But they don't quite agree on the minutia, and they spend more time correcting each other (via time travel field trips) than investigating Karkat. Which is fine, because Karkat seems to spend all his spare moments either arguing with people over the internet or watching terrible romance tv. (I guess *maybe* that counts as research? There could be one starring marine biologists? Or maybe he catches that classic Earth human comedy, Jaws.)
The presentation itself is the worst thing that has happened in that school since the time they tried to get Eridan to join the swim team. Or the time the English teacher was faced with the prospect of assigning a grade to Kanaya's (succinctly titled) book report on Moby Dick:
Regarding An Evocatively Written Romance Story Wherein A Naval Captain Finds His Fated Nemesis Is A Sea Dwelling Monster
And Their Unyielding Passion Ultimately Dooms Him Along With His Ship And All Crew Save The Viewpoint Character
Incidentally It Has Been Brought To My Attention That The Title Of This Book Can Be Construed As A Euphemism For A Piece Of Human Reproductive Anatomy I Personally Find Distasteful To Contemplate
(There are a lot of worst things that happen in that school. Someone tried to open a KFC across the street! For their Christmas production, the drama class was planning to perform a nativity play rather than Cats! The teachers tried to enforce the "assignments done in black or blue ink only" rule!)
Anyway, the Doctor stuck a bunch of random images together at the last minute - only half of them related to the marine biology of the Caribbean - and somehow sonic screwdrivered them into a Powerpoint presentation. He then gave an incomprehensible ramble while flipping through them, tangenting off to anecdotes that tended to end with "Actually, I guess you're too young for that story". But trust him, it was a funny thing that happened in this exact spot in 4520 B.C. Oh! And the colour of this fish! The only other place in the *Universe* you can find that colour naturally is the north-most forest of the second planet in the Tryvv system, where the wood nymphs.... Weeeell. You may be too young for that story.
And then when it is Karkat's turn to present, the Powerpoint slide is on a picture of a squid, so he starts ranting about giant, hungry gods, suspended in the dark beyond spacetime, who slide their tentacles into your brain if you are stupid enough to fall asleep. Half the class catches nightmares. And then Aziraphale gets up to debate theology with him, because *really*, he's sure he would have seen the blueprints for something like *that*. Or at least heard mention of the project. And arguing theology with Karkat means Karkat will once again take credit for creating the universe and everything in it (including the marine biology of the Caribbean) and that REALLY wasn't covered in Aziraphale's angel classes.
It is lucky for everyone that Amanda Waller is in charge of this class, because it can be a challenge to shut up Karkat and/or the Doctor in these situations. But you can't beat the Wall in an angry yelling contest. She is simply the best there is.
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wrabbit) What does Veronica Palmer do to relax?[INSERT VIDEO OF VERONICA FIRING SOME PEOPLE]
[INSERT VIDEO OF VERONICA SHOOTING AN OVERSTUFFED OFFICE CHAIR WITH A SILENCED HANDGUN]
[INSERT VIDEO OF VERONICA PRANCING AROUND ON STAGE IN A LEOTARD BEING A MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT]
Um. Veronica Palmer knows several fun ways to let off steam.
Gus and The Doctor are accidentally telepathically bonded. How's that working out for them?
WHO'S THE PSYCHIC ONE *NOW*, SHAWN?
Except someone help him please his brain is on fire.
Agatha Heterodyne and Karkat Vantas are trapped in a snowed-in cabin for the winter. A very long winter. Otherwise its quite comfortable. Is this romance, comedy, tragedy or horror?
Sorry. Agatha Heterdyne is not stuck nowhere for a very long snowed in winter. ...Unless she wants to be, in the case there is a REALLY interesting science project around. I guess some of the Homestuck tech would probably count. She assumes Karkat is simply a disagreeable Construct. And she's not *actually* going to hurt him, because she is Our Hero like that, but Karkat is prone to misunderstanding people's intentions when they threaten him with sharp objects.
So.... Is this romance, comedy, tragedy or horror.... all of them? Depends on who you ask.
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red_eft) John Egbert and a spankbot adopt a pet together! What kind do they get? What do they name it? Do they teach it any tricks?One day, John is walking past the pet store, and he sees a fat yellow salamander in an aquarium which reminds him of the salamanders he met on his adventuring. Of course he takes it home, where he teaches it so many tricks. So many. Except it is a salamander, so by "tricks" mostly I mean John keeps putting it places where people would be somewhat offput to find a salamander.
Also I guess he has acquired a spankbot somewhere? Probably his sister built one for him, like maybe the cyborg stuffed bunny has some weird features because that is what happens when you program robots in your sleep. Ask Brainiac 5, okay, he will tell you that it is not recommended.
petra Rose Lalonde suffers a head injury and wakes up in close proximity to Burton Guster. What do they think of it, and how does Veronica Palmer react when ze finds out?So it is down to Rose and Veronica against Gus and Shawn Spencer in the Amazing Race (literal) Deathmatch? I guess that makes sense. Gus and Shawn would do pretty well in the Amazing Race, both in the figuring out clues AND the avoiding getting poisoned by Veronica aspects of the game.
I'm not sure what happened to Rose, as she's not dumb enough to explode a building/mountain/moon while she's in the way of the debris. Maybe she caught the edge of whatever the Earth's military forces have put together to stop this reality tv show rampage (which does not actually have a bodycount, for the record)? Even though Gus is understandably freaked out by Rose (both as a threat and as a 13 year old goth girl), he lends her a compress to help her stop the bleeding. After all, he's carrying around a first aid kit so well stocked there is probably product placement involved.
Veronica sees them emerging from the rubble and immediately blames Rose for colluding with the enemy. Rose doesn't help by sarcastically agreeing with Veronica's assertions and elaborating on her and Gus' secret plans to undercut Veronica and take the title for themselves and then use the prize money for an expensive and highly illegal wedding.
Gus takes the chance to run away! Run awaaaay! But later in an interview segment the tv crew asks him about his relationship with Rose and if there is any truth to their secret (and illegal) love affair, and it is really awkward. Does NO ONE get sarcasm?
Agatha Heterodyne and Cassandra Cain celebrate a holiday together. What holiday, and what do they do for it?
I think this is the opening scene for one of the Agatha/Cass/Cristina Are Badasses movies. It is Cristina's birthday, and Agatha and Cass have arranged a surprise party!
It would have been an unmitigated disaster, but luckily for everyone Cristina never shows up. They go check in case Cristina has once again gotten drunk and passed out on top of an equally drunk Meredith Grey - her traditional method of birthday celebration - but Meredith hasn't seen her either! Something Nefarious has happened! Unless they are the villain team themselves, I guess. I haven't really worked out the details. Something Nefarious and/or Anti-Nefarious has happened! Now Agatha and Cass have to track Cristina down!
...he is not in this meme, but maybe Tony Stark needed a heart surgeon. Iron Man seems like the natural enemy against the Agatha/Cass/Cristina Are Badasses team, doesn't he? Sparky guy clad in ninja-tested armour who has a death ray for a heart. (...Uh. When I put it like that, he actually sounds like Agatha's dream dude. Oh well, there are too many teenagers in this movie series to entirely avoid melodrama.)
(There are just too many teenagers in this meme period. What was I thinking?)
Amanda, Cristina Yang, John Egbert, a spankbot, and Karkat form a team to run confidence schemes. Who is the Inside (Wo)Man, the Roper, the Fixer? Who do they swindle?
no they don't. They don't do this. You are the worst to me, Petra.
Okay, as a compromise, here is a thing that happens. Cristina Yang uncovers some evidence that there are nasty shenanigans going on in secret at her hospital, involving kidnapping of non-human people. She contacts Amanda Waller about it, because Yang and Waller are probably on the same Hardcore Ladies who Get Shit Done mailing list. It turns out Amanda is not behind the disappearances, but she is damn well going to find out who is. I guess that means Cristina is the Inside Woman, and Amanda would be the Fixer?
Amanda Waller's philosophy at getting shit done is more manipulative and less "stabs first; questions never" than Karkat's, but he still imprinted HARD on her back in the question where she was pretending to be his science teacher. (We will ignore for purposes of this meme who else might have imprinted on her.) At first Amanda tried to discourage this by, eg, arranging for Ben Turner to spar with him and kick his ass, but somehow this did the OPPOSITE of dissuading him from following her around. She seriously has enough stupid in her life without a belligerent adolescent bug creature electing her its surrogate parent... though OTOH, there is probably no one else in the world more qualified for the job. It's best for the planet if he grows up useful, after all. And he can do anger fuelled stubbornness, now if only she can teach him the value of patience...
ANYWAY. Amanda's plan requires a non-human to act as bait, so she sends Karkat to the Seattle Grace Hospital emergency room. John is the one who brings him in - he's Karkat's backup, which makes sense on a lot of levels. John's human and thus not a target; John's an extremely difficult opponent in battle; John's of all Karkat's friends the one LEAST likely to abandon Karkat to fend for himself (For the lulz, or because he can't be assed, or because he gets distracted, or because he's decided Karkat deserves to be taught a lesson... there's a reason his species doesn't have language to differentiate between "friend" and "enemy"). And Karkat has given John so many opportunities for betrayal - when it wasn't even life or death or anything! - but John comes through every. single. fucking. time. ):B
John makes up symptoms that Karkat doesn't even have the biology for, but it's not like any of the human doctors know enough to figure that out. (I guess John is the roper? And also Karkat? Not really solid on these terms.) Pretty quickly the hospital people sedate Karkat to, uh, Calm Him Down, but this is more or less expected in the plan. When they tell John they need to wheel Karkat away into a private area, John digs out the cyborg stuffed bunny rabbit (I assume with its cyborg parts camouflaged) and sticks it in Karkat's arms, telling everyone Karkat needs it to sleep. (hehehehe)
As expected, Karkat is stolen away! But Amanda is tracking him to find out where he's being taken. Karkat eventually wakes up in a fluorescent lighted underground facility, bleary and still cuddling the bunny. Probably he wakes up on a slab next to horrifying medical equipment - aka, after Karkat grabs them, weapons.
Karkat groggily fights his way out with the help of the cyborg bunny, which sometimes shoots laser death beams at fleeing guards... and sometimes defeats them by giving them a sound spanking. WHAT THE HELL. Why does John have this thing? It's terrible. By the time they reach the elevator to go up, Karkat has lost it and is swearing loudly and threatening the bunny, which responds by overpowering him and giving *him* a spanking. Of course, that is when Amanda's forces plus John arrive to rescue him, and the rescue video ends up on the human news and all the other Troll kids see it. Also the bit from the hospital where an unconscious Karkat is cradling the bunny in an adorable manner.
It is in its entirety the Worst Possible Thing, and it is all John's fault. John is the most awful person who could ever exist in any universe ever. Karkat hates John. He hates John so much.
Obviously, Amanda successfully finds out who was behind everything, and disappears *them*. I guess it is a good team up after all!
Alas, now that I've gotten this far, I find I must reevaluate odds of this team coming together more than once. Amanda Waller has somehow twisted things until Cristina Yang owes *her* a favour. John has classified this adventure in his brain as "pranking people for the greater good" and now I'm worried he is going to put "con man!" on his Personal Planning schoolwork under "Ideal Career". And Karkat will not stop bugging Amanda to go on another mission to make up for the above clusterfuck, despite it objectively working out pretty well.
(Plus, Karkat is not about to let John and Amanda team up without him; he has not even forgiven John for *liking* her. Because, according to John, she reminds him of Karkat.... Sometimes Karkat tries to convince himself that John wouldn't always manage to say the exact worst thing unless deep down John hated him back, but it never works, he knows John is just stupid. And thus even more awful.)
Brainiac 5 and Kara Zor-El start a business together. How do they earn their living?
As an afterthought.
They are scientist superheroes who require money for very few of their activities! Or maybe a great many of them, they aren't really keeping track. (They *know*, they just don't bother thinking about it very much. Must be nice.) A lot of the time they aren't even in the planet's lightcone, and if you think currency exchange between countries is difficult to deal with...
The paperwork for the business in question was actually put through by one of the Legion's PR people, who also goes through the list of stuff Brainy and Kara invent and applies for the 31st century equivalent of patents. It's kind of a symbiotic relationship, according to the self-promoted PR person, though neither of them care enough to ask what the salary is they are paying out.
The Doctor and Aziraphale are buddy cops. Which one is the By the Book one, and which one is the Maverick? How long do they work together?
Deeming this question Too Easy, I tried to convince myself of a setup wherein Aziraphale is the Maverick and the Doctor is the By the Book one. Not sure it can be done, except maybe for the special story or two every season where specific circumstances conspire that they switch roles for the duration of the episode. I mean, Aziraphale is a Maverick in his own way! He would just feel better about it if he was following a book titled "How To Be A Maverick".
After meeting in a disastrous scenario involving pretending to be 13 year olds working on a biology presentation, they team up for a while! We are not too sure how long exactly, because of the time travelling and the immortality and similar, but they get along to the buddy cop standard, and they have similar goals re: the universe not imploding, and they both can sense things not going as they should (though not necessarily in the same ways, which keeps things interesting). The Doctor still keeps collecting Sidekicks Of The Week, though. ("Really, my dear.")
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red_eft) If Aziraphale, Agatha Heterdyne and the Doctor got lost in the wilderness, how well would they manage?What the hell, I should just rename this as The Doctor and Aziraphale's Bogus Journey meme. THE ANGEL HAS THE PHONEBOX.
...or not, because apparently after arresting her for misuse of time machines, they let Agatha Heterodyne get loose in the TARDIS engine room. And now they are lost in the wilds of time. Way to go, guys, this buddy cop team up is off to a most impressive start.
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jarodrussell) How would Burton Guster kill Superman?Aw, Gus. I can't BELIEVE you backed over your collectible Superman statue. I'm not sure why Shawn put it behind your back tire, but let this be a lesson to you to ALWAYS DO A 360 DEGREE CAR CHECK.
...Yeah, it's okay, I'd be crying too.
Does Agatha Heterodyne have my $5?
If she did, she probably spent it on killer robot parts. Do... do you really want to try to recover them for refund?
What's up with Aziraphale, did they ever go on that picnic with the Doctor?
No, because they were interrupted by shenanigans requiring the services of BUDDY COPS!
Probably in this case it is a crossover with the Dirk Gently tv series England is trying to start. I am pretty excited about that!
Would Cristina Yang prefer an iPod or Anthrax?
Cristina Yang would prefer a patient exposed to anthrax, although I'm a little concerned about the MASSIVE DRAMA her tv show would milk out of an anthrax scare. Grey's Anatomy is about full up on drama at the moment.
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tiggerwrites) The Doctor Hates Agatha Heterodyne how did this happen.As mentioned, YOU DO NOT MESS WITH THE TARDIS. Worst Companion (of the week) since Aziraphale misunderstood the Doctor's rivalry and invited the Master in for tea and gossip!
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count_fenring) Agatha Heterodyne, Rose Lalonde, and Karkat Vantas form a conspiracy to take over the throne of England. Which pair are involved in a disastrous love affair that results in their capture, nude, in the bottom of the Parliament building, and how does the third rescue them?...I know Rose and Karkat are slotted to battle an enemy called "Lord English", but it can't be that easy. Can it?
Apparently so! It was Queen Elizabeth II ALL ALONG! Or Queen Albia, I guess, if they're teaming up in Agatha's universe, but the image of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II single-handedly fighting off Agatha's death rays and Rose's knitting needles of DOOM and Karkat's... slicey weapons (sorry dude you are outclassed)... This is now a thing I want to happen.
Anyway, Agatha Heterodyne and Rose Lalonde bond over not believing there is ANY sort of knowledge - or death ray - ladykind should fear to wield. Agatha tries to isolate what makes Rose's knitting needles of DOOM work so she can add them to her death rays. Rose ponders if and-ing a death ray to her needles will make them more dangerous (not really). The bits where Rose responds with quiet irony to Agatha's MAD excitement are absolutely hilarious... the third or so time you read over them. Theirs is more a BFFery that might one day blossom into romance, but inopportune nudity just happens sometimes if you are in a Girl Genius adventure.
Karkat rescues them by slicing up police and politicians until there are no more between him and their cell. Hey, it works just as well as anything sneakier. But on reaching them he is traumatized. Bleach is not enough; now he's going to have to go stare at the sun until *his* eyes boil in their sockets. Humans are squishy and gross and it should be a culling offense for them to take their clothes off ever. It is going to be the first law he passes after they explode the Queen.
THE END
Things learned: 1) The meme has some very definite opinions about BUDDY COP partnerships. 2) Putting the Homestuck kids in the meme will BREAK IT re: universe alignment. Some of those answers are ridiculously long.
PS, a couple people left me silly questions after I went to sleep. I'll get to them later.
ETA: Which I did, part two is here!
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Full disclosure, a lot of that is laziness. I mean, you saw how many words it took to get Amanda and Karkat in the same room the first time!
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Why is it all the scenarios involving him inevitably make me want to hug him.
Trade secret: it's probably because his function in the meme is to have a smaller comfort zone than everyone else. It's why I keep him around for these despite having broken up with Psych a long time ago. Well. Also for decoration.
I think he did enjoy himself with the hedge mazes, though!
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I think he did too! :D
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Brainiac 5 aside, the meme did a pretty good job of picking dudes who would enjoy their time hanging out together at a hedge maze.
*(Even Karkat has trouble, and his feelings re: John are best summed up by the first comic here, only instead of a pirate he is a teenaged alien termite who really enjoys romcom movies.)
Source.
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Ten, right? Well, possibly Four. Or Two, or One. Not Five or Three, they're more polite or something.
No, probably one of the NuWho ones--garrulous and young-looking.
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A Dirk Gently TV series? Oh, so hard to do well, but so rewarding if they could!
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Is "spankbot" from "Robogirl vs. Spankbot"?
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I saw the Dirk Gently pilot. I don't know if it was done *well*, exactly, but I love the Dirk Gently premise of "the universe is punking this random dude." If they turn it into a series I will state now that I'll watch them all.
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The spankbot from a Silver Age comic, and is really supposed to be in the shape of Superman if I'm doing this exercise honestly. Alas that LJ shut down scans_daily, and I cannot find the proof. Here's a panel that takes place *after* the one with the robot in?
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But now how will Rufus make everything excellent again?
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It's not just $5 we're walking about, it's 32 TRIO pieces (http://www.fisher-price.com/us/trio/product.aspx?pid=49708&cat=1)...so I just might, yeah.
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