This Solicit Monday, DC realised they were catering to your fetishes *anyway*.

[odditycollector]

 
I usually enjoy Solicit Mondays quite a lot. It's all about making your own fun before context has a chance of ruining everything. Today, however... there was not much even worthy of mocking.

But that doesn't mean there's nothing to say.

How about a new game? I'll pick an emotion, and then we'll see if anything can turn my face into the appropriate emoicon smilie.

 
:) Happy

DC is continuing to get people other than Churchill or Turner to draw the Supergirl covers, and this pleases me. I'd be willing to buy that book. Now, all they have to do is to get someone else to draw the *interiors* as well.

:| Annoyed

It turns out that Miss Martian really *did* steal Supergirl's skirt. Complete with the no-underwear.

;7 Mildly Amused

There's no Superman/Batman issue solicited for Valentine's Day, or, indeed, the month of February. That doesn't seem right.

>:O Angry

If you make it all the way to the bottom of the page, you'll notice that there's a bust of Big Barda coming out next year. Which really should have been good news, as Barda is very much a Thing Which Is Awesome.

If you're going to brainstorm about Barda, the first thing that comes to mind is, yes, *Big*. Immense, in the way that only creations of Jack Kirby can be. She's huge physically and in personality. I've heard 'Amazonian,' and while this isn't really correct, she's a counterpoint to Wonder Woman in a lot of ways. Both are powerful warriors trained by alien cultures, but while Diana grew up in a world that valued peace, Barda was trained to bring only destruction. Diana came to our world to further the values of her people; Barda left behind her people to fight for what *she* thinks is right.

Her story is woven as part of an epic, but Barda's journey - from a servant of Darkseid to a superhero - is her own. And it's just as encompassing and *Big* as everything else about her.

And here's the statue DC chose to represent all that.

There are so, so many things that are wrong about this that I hardly know where to start. How about the obvious, then.

Why the FUCK is she nearly naked?

This is a cover image of Barda, taken from the same solicits, that doesn't quite give us the Platonic ideal of the character but comes close enough. Barda should be in full body armour - chain mail, with bright, primary accents to remind us she's Kirby's baby - and most likely hefting a weapon none of us would be able to lift.

Yes, the bikini is canon. No, that doesn't matter at all. When there are a few statues out there of Barda in the best known, classic, current costume, *then* we can talk about the almost-naked variants. I mean, how many lovingly crafted statues are there of Clark Kent in his swimming briefs?

What the FUCK is with the anatomy?

The upper arms aren't too bad, although the forearm looks more injured than muscled, but for the rest of her Adam Hughes seems to have been feeding the designs through a kids' mix 'n match book. Barda should be grateful she didn't end up with the bottom half of a fifty year old fireman and a policeman's head.

Except not, because then at least she wouldn't be about to topple over. Where are her hips? Her abs? Her legs? She looks ridiculous.

Her left wrist is at a completely wrong angle given the positioning of the rest of the arm. It looks unnatural and painful. (Although, after some twisting, I've determined you can to pose an arm like that, if you don't mind discomfort after the first few seconds. Which makes the next WRONG even more so.)

Where the FUCKING FUCK is the attitude? The sense of strength? The ferocity?

And even if the statue had been a nude sculpted by a five year old in playdoh, *this* is the one I'm unwilling to dismiss, unwilling to forgive.

Her stance is off balance, and her shoulders aren't squared. The (weirdly) muscled arms buy her some power, but, combined with the way she's holding herself, mostly they just emphasize that she's not about to use it. (Look boys! It's okay to buy me! You're in control!)

Then. Her head is angled downward. Her gaze is down and unfocussed, staring into no-space. Her expression is blank, only vaguely aware. There's no playful flirtiness to be found here, no sense that whatever is going on, she's at least having fun. No agency at all.

This is *submission*, people.

This is "Take the cloak. Take me. I am here to be used as you please." That's not even her cape draped over her arm: it belongs to her husband. So she's, what? Mr. Miracle's sexy coat-rack?

 
In 1971, Big Barda was introduced as a powerful warrior, the leader of the Female Furies, someone proud and strong and brave enough to stand against Darkseid.

In 2006, she's finally come to the point where you, too, will be able to buy your own Barda: Well-Trained Submissive (with random muscles, for extra fetish value!), commemorated for all time in statue form.

 
Yeah.

Fuck you, too, DC.*

 
 

*Unless DC really is making sculptures to commemorate what their characters get up to behind bedroom doors. In which case I can hardly wait for Likes-Giving-Oral Green Arrow and Ride-em-Cowgirl Helena.

Comments

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Well, the outfit is from her early Mister Miracle and Fourth World Jack Kirby design.
*nods* I know Kirby designed it, but I'm pretty sure he designed the full costume as well, and that it was her main outfit. (Am I mistaken?) In any case, the armour is better known for the character.

That said, if you put her in the armour but otherwise don't change the statue, I'd *still* be pissed off.