So I'm killing time by looking through some of the upcoming movies, and I randomly click on one titled
It's All About Love.
Just. Look. Here's the teaser:
Set in a near future besieged by flash ice ages, the disappearance of gravity in Uganda, and a fatal disease that freezes the hearts of those that experience devastating grief and loneliness, this is the story of two separated lovers, one of whom is a famous ice skater, who are reunited in New York so he can sign the divorce papers.Let me repeat some of that, just in case there's anyone who didn't feel the need to read it over five times while their brain started working again.
1. Flash ice AGES. (But at least the ice skating would come in handy.)
2. That malady that strikes Tolkien's Elves.
3. The DISAPPEARANCE of GRAVITY in UGANDA.
I mean... I mean... gravity just doesn't
work like that. It's... a physics thing. It's the way mass interacts in our universe. It can't just
disappear.
... where would it
go?
And dear god, why
Uganda?
I am actually, physically in pain after reading that. I am really, really hoping that it's simply the case of a mad scientist with a tragic but ultimately ridiculous grudge against Uganda and a giant anti-gravity machine. Because I could
work with that. But the idea of gravity malfunction following an environmental catastrophe (where the world is still in one piece) just makes my brain bleed out my ears.
I'm going to go away and have nightmares now. All you people writing for
dead_earth? Don't take lessons from this movie. Please, think of the
brains.
Movie People: So, we want to do a re-kindled flame sort of romance.
People with Money: Uh-huh. Original, that.
MP: Okay... and we can set it in the future. When the world's all wacky and environmentally unfriendly.
PM: Hmm. What kind of natural disasters are we talking about?
MP: Um. Giant meteors?
PM: No, that one's been done already.
MP: Earthquakes?
PM: Done.
MP: Volcanoes?
PM: Done.
MP: Uh, um, collapse of the Earth's electromagnetic field?
PM: Sorry, try again.
MP: No, wait, got it now. How about: Poison air.
PM: Are you kidding? We get that every day on the news.
MP: Oh. Well. So probably not acid rain then, either. How about... flash freezing?
PM: Well, we haven't seen The Day After Tomorrow yet, so we'll give you that one. But you'll need more than one.
MP: Of course we do. Fine. Godzilla? Zombies? Mutant Jello?
PM: Again with the things we've already seen.
MP: ... The revenge of the telepathic Killer Whales? With machine guns and space ships?
PM: No, no. That makes too much sense. Come on, we need something the audience will never be expecting!
MP: Right. Just give us a minute while we smoke all the crack out of an entire year of silver age DC comics.
PM: That's the spirit! We're going to have a blockbuster come Thanksgiving. Hah hah ahah heheheheheee!