I'm sorry, Betty. A tiny bit.

[odditycollector]

As an experiment, as I needed a bridge to another experiment, I tried making a piece of reduction poetry. I used brownbetty's story Clad in Other Guise as my base text for... no particular reason, except maybe that I'm testing out her creative commons license. I will see if we are still friends after, I guess, and write up a summary of my observations!

So basically what I did was take my delete key to brownbetty's story, and then stop before I had an entirely blank page. The resulting poem was... far more disturbing than I first intended, so I am putting it behind a cut. You should probably take that as a content warning.

If this is what happens when I tear the flesh from your words, Betty, no wonder people have nightmares of skeletons.

in Guise

long skirt
hair twisted up
trying to look older
walk faster on the sidewalk
this look in her eyes
careful...careful
Little sister
don't take candy from strangers
outside the window There's a blank eye staring, but don't mind it
You you you, you just blend right in
carefully
just breathe
carefully...carefully
Open your eyes
Tell me what you see
a girl's bedroom
girl stuff, whatever that is
a girl in the mirror
in the mirror, a colour that's red
in the mirror, thumb over the curve of breast
Don't worry, honey. You're pretty.
Stop being so shy.
I'd like to see more, hope you don't mind.
strip off stockings
dark women's underwear
pull pillows from the end of her bed
smell of detergent like an opening flower
Good girl
pay attention
can't mess your lipstick
your nice skirt
carefully..
nails looking good
put a tissue to your lashes
and then straight home
blame unsteadiness on mary janes' heels.

 

Comments

[caiusmajor]

Wow.

I approve.

BTW, if you want to do this again you totally have permission to do this with my stuff!

[odditycollector]

I am not sure *I* approve. I did not accurately represent Betty's plot at *all*!

[brownbetty]

Wow, um. I didn't realize I was writing about a sexual predator.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I thought it was going in a different direction, honest, but then those were the words that fit...

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

This is good.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Thanks, it was an interesting game. But *creepy*.

[dine.livejournal.com]

ok, totally disturbing, but rilly great! I got chills reading it

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I totally creeped myself out putting it together. O.O

[katarik.livejournal.com]

*Gyah*. I. Um.

Excuse me, I have to go hug my stuffed animals and HIDE NOW.

(new monte carlo doctrine tomorrow! yay!)

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I'm... I'm sorry.

(Oh noes! Pressure! ;p )

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

Good god, that's a creepy poem. O_o

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

Yeah... when I started, I thought it was going somewhere different, and I was quite pleased with the flavour. But then it... didn't work out that way. O.O

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

It really works as a creepy poem, and it's interesting. But not what I would have expected from the story.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it works :)

not what I would have expected from the story.
Well, it's not meant to have anything to with the original story, eg, as any sort of commentary. The exercise just requires an initial batch of words, and then you see if you can make something out of it. It was an interesting game for me, result aside.

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

I didn't think it was meant to. That's why it's such an interesting result.