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I hear it is Valentine's Day! So, in honour of the occasion (and also because I may be stuck at a computer all day) a meme.
Give me a pairing (or a 3+some) and I will give you a brief summary of their totally overwrought love story! It will be like a Harlequin romance, except I have very little idea of how Harlequin romances actually work, so probably it won't be like that at all.
(And I actually made some attempt at putting together an offered fandoms list this time, but it's making me want to leave off the whole endeavour, so. The deal is that if I'm not familiar with the characters you give me, I'll ask for new ones.)
Give me a pairing (or a 3+some) and I will give you a brief summary of their totally overwrought love story! It will be like a Harlequin romance, except I have very little idea of how Harlequin romances actually work, so probably it won't be like that at all.
(And I actually made some attempt at putting together an offered fandoms list this time, but it's making me want to leave off the whole endeavour, so. The deal is that if I'm not familiar with the characters you give me, I'll ask for new ones.)
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Tim Drake, Lex Luthor, and Andrea Cooper have finally arrived on a planet that the natives confusingly insist is called “Earth”. (Tim tried to get around the mental double-take by saying “Ground”, but no, apparently their translator programs can tell the difference.) “Earth” has a very, very rich supply of a virtually impossible to synthesize molecule that Earth’s scientists believe will allow interstellar travel by people who don’t have the resources of the Justice League (or Tim, Lex, and Andrea). So their purpose for being here on “Earth” to represent the interests of, respectively, Wayne Enterprises, LexCorp, and LilaCo.
When they emerge from the spacecraft, the “Earth”lings who have arrived to meet them stare. They look alarmed, suspicious, disgusted... which is surprising, because they look overall pretty similar to the Earthlings Tim is more familiar with, excepting the longish faces and dark purple hair and single gender.
Finally, one of the “Earth”lings breaks off from a group whispering in alarm and approaches the human standing closest. In this case, Andrea.
“I’m sorry,” the translation engine claims ze says. “You are aliens, and we are confused. Which of these others is your spouse?”
“Oh no,” Andrea says. “I’m not married.”
This was, as it turns out, the WRONG THING to say. After Andrea is chased back into orbit (would have been chased back to Earth if Tim and Lex didn’t still need the spaceship to get home themselves) and sworn to radio silence, Tim and Lex, anticipating the next question, assure their hosts that, while Andrea’s blunder was of course unfortunate, Tim and Lex are totally 100% married. To each other! Happily married, although the people of “Earth” don’t seem to care about that qualifier.
“They’re latent telepaths,” Tim tells Lex later. They’re contemplating their lush, single bedded guest quarters. “When the talent begins to develop, they’re mind-linked to another person, who is then the only mind they can access. Their suspicion of unlinked singles is quite understandable.”
“It certainly worked in our favour,” Lex says, because LilaCo no longer has a corporate voice “Earth” is willing to hear. “Unfortunately, it seems that *we* need to trust one another to play loving husband for the duration of these negotiations.”
“Unfortunately,” Tim agrees.
It would be easy for an observer from Earth to miss the glint of excited calculation in their eyes during this conversation, as they settle on a truce neither intends to keep. An observer from “Earth” wouldn’t have picked up the subtleties either, but they’d recognize the pulse of unspoken understandings that pass between spouses well matched.
So then there are business talks to be had - everyone always moving in pairs - and tours of the seven wonders of “Earth”, and a whole lot of comedy of errors shenanigans because the “Earth”lings assume everything they tell Tim, Lex also immediately knows and vice versa, and Tim and Lex are much more comfortable keeping as many secrets as possible. (Seriously, that shit was hilarious, I feel bad for anyone who doesn’t get to hear about it.)
Eventually, Tim and Lex figure out that they really *are* well matched. They challenge each other, and they enjoy the same (mind) games, and they can predict each other’s mental processes well enough neither of them ever actually *wins* for long. Also, the sex is highly satisfactory....
And finally, Tim and Lex come back to Earth - no finger quotes - with cargoholds full of invaluable molecules and a depressed Andrea Cooper and the news that they had run off to an alien planet and gotten gay married.
Batman stares at Tim for a very long time.
“Canada is closer,” he finally says.
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<3 <3 <3 <3! <--Low-tech hearts instead of heart-filled icon.
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I am pleased you are pleased!
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Although, frankly, I cannot get enough of either tripe, despite my deep and profound loathing of telepaths, so, you know, feel free to use one of those concepts for ALL the prompts! Or just make your next bout of this the Aliens and Mind Fucking Festival. I would totally go for that.
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Okay, I am trying to imagine Aliens Making Them Do ANYTHING.
It... It's kind of the OPPOSITE usually.