odditycollector

for count_fenring: Five things Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect would quarrel about in the messy, half-civilized, and inevitable divorce.

1. Who will take care of the kids! Arthur reminds Ford that they don't *have* any kids, but Ford feels this is entirely beside the point.

2. Arthur's recently updated profile in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

3. Whether or not British beer is better than the purple stuff they serve at that great strip-club on Talosi Prime to which, as it turns out, Ford didn't invite Arthur and, furthermore, had told Arthur that he was only going planetside to visit his great great Aunt two and a half times removed and that it'd probably be better if Arthur waited on the ship as she was prone to outbreaks of Toxiskunkus Pustules, a rare fungal infection known to kill the non-affected at sixty paces when their nose tries to escape through their left ear.

4. The probability that the other one will ever have sex with anything again. After three days of this, Trillian asks the computer to give them a definitive answer, if it would please, and Arthur and Ford spend the next while in their room feeling sorry for themselves and *definitely* not going near Marvin *or* Zaphod *ever*.

5. Whose underpants are those, and which one of them is more likely to know someone with five legs and a penchant for orange and green sequins.

(Argument halted when Arthur opens the attached card and reads that they're from somebody's grandmother, who knitted them herself.)

(Argument restarted when Ford remembers that, by highly disturbing coincidence, "grandmother" is "Your lover with the very fine secondary sexual characteristics" in Okarian, a language where "knitting" happens to mean "Remember when I shoved that organ/sex toy/trampoline into your [orifice of choice] and you really liked it?")

(Argument halted again when Zaphod wanders in, says "Hey! So that's where those are," grabs them from Ford and leaves.)

For stardance.

5. In Batman: Year One, we see that Bruce developed a whistle that will call a swarm of bats to surround him, confusing and/or utterly freaking the shit out of any pursuing cops. But a giant swarm of flying rodents obscuring his vision and movements proved to be not as useful as he had hoped, and, besides, a couple of the bats got hit by stray bullets and Bruce still hasn't forgiven himself.

4. No one spoke of the Bat-Strobe-Suit again. Even Especially if it was fun at parties.

3. For a few months after becoming Robin, Dick Grayson refused to eat anything that wasn't bat-shaped. This phase has long since passed into the realm of embarrassing anecdotes, but, on the morning after Dick left for college, Alfred dug out the Bat-Waffle-Maker one last time.

2. There is a switch in the Batmobile that will convert it outwardly into a common Ford-made sedan. However, while useful for camouflage purposes, this would require making it look less cool.

1. ( This one: )